Tuesday, 19 June 2012

Good day

I'm sitting in the waiting room of doctor Goldman after dropping off jayden at procure. For the first time I looked back when I walked out of the treatment room. Normally I keep walking because I'm frighten of how I will feel for what I see but today I did. I watched for a second or two as the nurses and aneathatist gathered around him on his little bed preparing him for the therapy. All on his own. It made me cry seeing him there so vulnerable. I wanted to run back in and grab him and take him home. But I didn't. I turned and walked out, tears in my eyes and pain so unbearable in my chest.

Now I'm sitting in the waiting room of the building next to procure to speak with doctor Goldman. A mother with her daughter are sitting not far from me. Her daughter looks about laylas age and clearly unwell. She has cancer too. The trademark bald head, sullen eyes and thin body. Her mother has the look of a cancer mum. Keeping it together because she knows she has too, no doubt wishing life was different for her daughter, tired, frustrated and sad. It's shit that my family is going through all of this and shit that so do many other families. I watched her and thought about Layla and how grateful i am her and my son luke are healthy and well and free from this dreadful disease. You could see the woman was keen for her daughter to be seen and I felt guilty when dr Goldman called me in first as I was only there to ask questions.

Dr goldman took the time to let me ask all the questions I needed too about jaydens treatment and talk to him about all my fears regarding the mega therapy jayden will have to do upon returning to Perth. He doesn't use the protocol we are on and I wish we had of had a choice as to which protocol we wanted for our son. Dr Goldman gave us much higher statistics on the survival rate of his ATRT patients and I wish we were doing what he's doing. We talked about alternative therapies and he was honest about his views which I greatly appreciated. He was so beautiful to talk to. I will be very sad to leave him as our oncologist. He would have to be without a doubt one of the nicest people i have ever met. he made me feel heard, and really cared about Jayden.
Shortly after, I was called back to get jayden and when I went in to see him he was much groggier than normal. Bless him. He was trying So hard to fight it off but couldn't. We soon after grabbed a cab and went home. Danny was out with Layla and Luke at a water park so Jayden and I hung out at home and went for a short walk to Walgreens. It was actually one of the nicest days I've had yet we really didn't do much at all.


This picture is of jayden with Maureen at Procure. He loves her and so do we.



Jayden sitting out the front watching the bobcat. We sat out here for ages today sipping cups of milk and watching the gardeners moving wood chips.



Jayden messing about around Layla's bed while she's out!



All the kids at dinner tonight.
I also posted a video of jayden messing about on my Facebook page at leisl males, very cute.
We had a lovely day today together and now I'm going to take my daughter Layla out shopping.
Jaydens asleep, after a fun day


My little beautiful man.

7 comments:

  1. Bless you Leisl - so pleased it was a happy day. Hope tomorrow brings much more simple fun...Sue x

    ReplyDelete
  2. Glad it was a great day. thinking of you xx twin 1.luv the sleeping photo :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. For Jayden tone treated by Dr Goldman, what do you require? Is it possible?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. anonymous,
      it would take a lot of money. because we aren't US citizens we cant get insurance and travel insurance wont cover Jayden.
      we need to win lotto.
      thank you for asking and thank you for following.
      Leisl xxx

      Delete
    2. It's a $6M powerball this Thursday and a $30M super draw on Saturday 30th June - I'll buy a ticket for Jayden xxx
      Hey - someone has to win it - maybe the Lotto Gods will keep smiling on winners in the west and help you out

      Delete
  4. Beautiful photos the last few days. Glad today was a better day for you all. Lots of Love and thoughts with you always. Jenni xx

    ReplyDelete