Wednesday, 4 July 2012

Can't sleep

Sometimes when I go to bed at night I sleep but other times like tonight I lay awake anxious about the future. Anxious about what lies ahead, worried about what tomorrow will bring. Watching my son sleep, watching him take his little breaths, in and out. His peaceful look on his face. Watching his eyelids moving back and forth, dreaming. Hoping his dreams are happy ones. Worried he will not live to dream about big ambitions, cars, girls, great job.
Anxious of his future. How can I not be? Scared out of my mind that I will lose him...
Wishing sleep would come to release me from this torture.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone


  1. are so right to feel anxious & it is completely understandable that you do feel this way. Unless any parent has ever walked a day in your shoes I doubt any of us can truly understand the huge range of emotions that you must go through each day.

    Thank you for sharing Jayden's journey there is not a day that goes by that he not in my thoughts and prayers.

    You are a wonderful, loving, strong and resilient mother who I admire beyond belief. As the mother of an 11 month old baby I don't think I would have the same enormous courage that you have shown.

    Stay strong xxx Michelle

  2. Well said Michelle. Thanks for sharing without censure Leisl. I'm sure there are many who are reading and not knowing quite how to respond - I know I feel like that so very often. Much love to you and Danny, Luke, Layla and the amazing Jayden. I hope there are some good memories to bring back.

  3. Oh my goodness. I sobbed tonight on reading your blog - your honesty, your strength, your courage and the deep, limitless love you have for your family and that gorgeous, amazing little man of yours, never ceases to astound me. I can't begin to imagine what you are going through - a horrendous nightmare that no mother or family should have to face - and your openness and courage to share not only has created this enormous and overwhelming amount of support, positive thoughts, wishes and prayers for gorgeous Jayden and your family personally but also a broader social awareness of this awful disease and a desire to support every cancer and cancer reasearch charity around so a cure can be found. You are truly amazing, Leisl, and love and good wishes to Jayden and your lovely family.