I'm laying next to Jayden right now in a hospital bed at Central Dupage. His blood cultures from yesterday came back positive again for a bacteria that they are not sure if it's in his central line or blood. Either way it's not good and we now have to be in hospital until it clears. He's on two different types of antibiotics, one of which is making him itch his skin at the back of his head like mad. It's all shit really. Can't believe we finished his radiation today only to end up back in hospital. He's crushed. He Was so unhappy when we got here and wouldn't get out of the car at first. I hate doing all of this. My poor little man, how much can one little person take? I mean really? This is just bullshit. I'm tired, I'm sad, and I'm so over watching him go through all of this.
I checked my emails today and got one with a link to you tube with a video of jaydens journey on it. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever watched. I could not stop crying. It was if I had all this emotion inside that I spend everyday holding back and watching this video made it flood out like a tidal wave. Nothing prepares you for this sadness and you don't realize how much you suck it up just to get by.
The video was beautiful. Thankyou to the wonderful person who made it,
Going to try and sleep now.
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