Wednesday, 18 July 2012

In hospital

I'm laying next to Jayden right now in a hospital bed at Central Dupage. His blood cultures from yesterday came back positive again for a bacteria that they are not sure if it's in his central line or blood. Either way it's not good and we now have to be in hospital until it clears. He's on two different types of antibiotics, one of which is making him itch his skin at the back of his head like mad. It's all shit really. Can't believe we finished his radiation today only to end up back in hospital. He's crushed. He Was so unhappy when we got here and wouldn't get out of the car at first. I hate doing all of this. My poor little man, how much can one little person take? I mean really? This is just bullshit. I'm tired, I'm sad, and I'm so over watching him go through all of this.

I checked my emails today and got one with a link to you tube with a video of jaydens journey on it. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever watched. I could not stop crying. It was if I had all this emotion inside that I spend everyday holding back and watching this video made it flood out like a tidal wave. Nothing prepares you for this sadness and you don't realize how much you suck it up just to get by.
The video was beautiful. Thankyou to the wonderful person who made it,

Going to try and sleep now.

- wPosted using BlogPress from my iPhone

3 comments:

  1. Oh Leisl I just had a look on Youtube and am now bawling my eyes out too. I only know Jayden through this blog but I am wishing with every fibre of my being that he beats this and grows to be a very very old man. He is one beautiful and amazing boy and my heart just breaks to see what he and you all are having to endure. What he has been dealt is unbearably cruel but you are undoubtably the best mummy to be carrying him through it. I am amazed at your strength and ability to get through each day. Keep your chin up and I hope you are out of hospital soon x

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  2. Leisl ,
    Archie has recently had his Broviac replaced. A bacteria in his lines antibiotics couldn't solve.
    Don't worry if this is the case with Jayden. Another anesthetic, another surgery I know. But he will be ok. You will be ok.
    Lots of love
    Claire x

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  3. So many mixed emotions for you all right now - so happy that this was Jayden's day and a remarkable achievement and so so sorry that this curve ball has been thrown your way. They of course will take the best care of you both but I really hope this will be fine very soon. Hugs for you all. Sue x

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