I'm laying in bed between my two beautiful kids Layla and Luke. It's 7:00am in the morning and they are both still sound asleep. When I'm home from the hospital we all sleep together. It's beautiful. I wish we could all sleep together all the time in a massive big bed that would fit us all. Then j could know that they were all safe. I could hear them breathing, know that they are right next to me and that they are ok. I wish that i could always know they were safe and ok know matter where they are and always.
Im laying here thinking about jayden and wondering how he is. I know he would be fine because he's with his great dad but i miss him. When I told him yesterday that I was going to go but dad was staying and I would see him tomorrow he said "no" and cried. But I gave him the biggest cuddle and he cuddled me so tight back and when I put him down he understood. He is so very brave. Since we have had this time as a family and he's been able to spend more time with dad he's not as distressed as he use to be when I leave. It's better but I still want to be there to hold him tight always and forever. I miss him terribly when I'm gone. His cute little face, his beautiful laugh and smile and everything about him. I wish i could have him next to me right now then I would give him a big squeeze and hold him tight. Tell him how much i love him and never let him go.
We sat up watching tv in the hospital bed till quite late the other night and we chatted about what we were watching and all the while snuggled up with the covers and his new fluffy bunny Marcia gave us from Procure. He can't suck this one but he doesn't mind. He seems to be growing up so fast but not into a little boy but a wise old man. He's endured so much and so much to come and with his smile and attitude he just keeps on going. Most of us never experience what he had in our whole lives yet he keeps smiling and carrying on.
I've had a goodnight sleep and I'm looking forward to going back in the hospital to see my gorgeous man. Both of them.
I'm looking forward to seeing jaydens little face light up when we walk in the door. He misses his brother and sister so much when they are gone. I'm looking forward to picking him up and giving him the biggest cuddle ever and holding him so tight. And I'm looking forward to us all being together......
These photos are from before we came to chicago.