Monday, 2 July 2012

A shitty moment

I looked at the shirts held in my hand and my heart ached. I picked them out especially because they button up at the front for easy access to his broviac lines and button up between the legs so the broviac lines don't get in the way when he's playing. They are ones for the cooler weather. For when we return to Perth. As I thought about why I was getting them my heart sank. The knowledge of what is going to happen when I get to Perth is not only crushing but really scary. I stood there looking at the shirts hoping with all my might that these won't be the last shirts I buy for jayden. They felt soft in my hands but in my mind represent a very sad and scary time. I needed to shop for more but couldn't. I stood there holding back tears thinking about my little man. I wish things were different every day. I wish I was buying him normal tshirts with dinosaurs on them or cars and I wish I was able to be excited about doing it.
How do I manage a simple thing like shopping for him without the pain in my chest. The sadness in my heart.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone


  1. Oh how my heart breaks for you right now. I wish there were words to make it better but there aren't. All I can offer is all my hope that your little man continues to be the fighter he has shown us he is, and that you get to buy him dinosaur and car shirts until well beyond the point where he is too cool for them.

  2. Dear Liesel,
    I have just watched Bradley, on the ward, go through mega therapy. Yes, he was sick, but he is now bouncing around the ward again. Remember, they already have Jaydens stem cells to 'rescue' him with.
    Archie has to have mega therapy and I am also petrified. It will be ok. It has to be.
    Love Claire x

  3. Dear Liesl,
    Are you still in Chicago? My name is Jholet, I'm a mom of 4 who chanced upon your blog, I have a kids store in downtwon Chicago and would like to send you some shirts for Jayden (trying to find something with dinosaurs/cars that are button front) what size does he wear? My email is