I looked at the shirts held in my hand and my heart ached. I picked them out especially because they button up at the front for easy access to his broviac lines and button up between the legs so the broviac lines don't get in the way when he's playing. They are ones for the cooler weather. For when we return to Perth. As I thought about why I was getting them my heart sank. The knowledge of what is going to happen when I get to Perth is not only crushing but really scary. I stood there looking at the shirts hoping with all my might that these won't be the last shirts I buy for jayden. They felt soft in my hands but in my mind represent a very sad and scary time. I needed to shop for more but couldn't. I stood there holding back tears thinking about my little man. I wish things were different every day. I wish I was buying him normal tshirts with dinosaurs on them or cars and I wish I was able to be excited about doing it.
How do I manage a simple thing like shopping for him without the pain in my chest. The sadness in my heart.
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