Until you have a child with cancer its somethjng that ' happens to other peoples children' . Its not until it happens to you that you all of a sudden become one of the 'other people' . it is without question the biggest shock of your life when you hear the words 'your child has cancer'. Your heart sinks, your eyes well up with tears, all of a sudden there doesn't seem to be enough air to breath and you're waiting desperately for someone to say 'actually it's not cancer after all'. They don't and You are then left with getting on with your life with the now painful ache in your heart that never goes away and the unbearably sad knowledge that you may lose your precious child. You no longer have any control of their future and require an enormous amount of trust in your doctor that they will do what's 'best' for your child. And there is absolutely nothing you can do to change the situation.
Im mentioning this now as i spoke to a woman not long ago whom like most people is extremely unawares of this situation. When I told her about Jaydens condition her remark was 'Oh well, looks like your having a good day today though'.' Oh well'? I have to say I felt like slapping her, but I realize that its an 'oh well' situation to her because she has completely no idea. Its hard not to be angry though sometimes. Its hard not to be angry with people who don't understand. I sometimes just want to yell and scream as loud as I can at every person in this world that has no idea how bloody unfair this is. But I know I can't . And really, I don't think I would want everyone to know how this feels because that would be horrible. I guess what I would really like is just understanding. But not even that I can really get unless they have lived this.
I know this, because before this happened to me I knew nothing of this world. I knew nothing about childhood cancer. I had no real idea what types there were, how often they occurred or how successful treatment was. Now you could ask me just about anything and id have a pretty good idea of the answer. I dont want to know the answer, i never wanted to know anything about cancer. I would love to be this woman who says 'oh well' but im not. I'm a mum with a child with cancer and it's so far from an 'oh well' situation its not funny. It's an 'oh shit' situation, but yes, i will agree with that woman and say 'we are having a good day today'. If only it was that simple.....
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