Sunday, 8 July 2012

'Oh well'

Until you have a child with cancer its somethjng that ' happens to other peoples children' . Its not until it happens to you that you all of a sudden become one of the 'other people' . it is without question the biggest shock of your life when you hear the words 'your child has cancer'. Your heart sinks, your eyes well up with tears, all of a sudden there doesn't seem to be enough air to breath and you're waiting desperately for someone to say 'actually it's not cancer after all'. They don't and You are then left with getting on with your life with the now painful ache in your heart that never goes away and the unbearably sad knowledge that you may lose your precious child. You no longer have any control of their future and require an enormous amount of trust in your doctor that they will do what's 'best' for your child. And there is absolutely nothing you can do to change the situation.

Im mentioning this now as i spoke to a woman not long ago whom like most people is extremely unawares of this situation. When I told her about Jaydens condition her remark was 'Oh well, looks like your having a good day today though'.' Oh well'? I have to say I felt like slapping her, but I realize that its an 'oh well' situation to her because she has completely no idea. Its hard not to be angry though sometimes. Its hard not to be angry with people who don't understand. I sometimes just want to yell and scream as loud as I can at every person in this world that has no idea how bloody unfair this is. But I know I can't . And really, I don't think I would want everyone to know how this feels because that would be horrible. I guess what I would really like is just understanding. But not even that I can really get unless they have lived this.
I know this, because before this happened to me I knew nothing of this world. I knew nothing about childhood cancer. I had no real idea what types there were, how often they occurred or how successful treatment was. Now you could ask me just about anything and id have a pretty good idea of the answer. I dont want to know the answer, i never wanted to know anything about cancer. I would love to be this woman who says 'oh well' but im not. I'm a mum with a child with cancer and it's so far from an 'oh well' situation its not funny. It's an 'oh shit' situation, but yes, i will agree with that woman and say 'we are having a good day today'. If only it was that simple.....

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  1. Nothing seems fair. Silly old woman- some empathy and a supportive word always goes a long way. I think of your little guy every day- I hope and pray he gets through this and goes on to live a long and fulfilling life. Rebecca xxxx

  2. leisl, hunny i know i haven't spoke to you for some time but i do think of jayden everyday, i fact i think of you all...reading your blogs is just so hard as i know just how SHIT everything is, but as you put it into words i relate to every emotion you are feeling, at the time i could never find the right words to express just how unfair our lives had become, just how much our lives had changed..forever... having a child with cancer, will change your outlook on life and esp how you see mindless ppl, and pathetic situations, it will change and has who we are and everything we every believed was "NORMAL",alot of ppl sadly have NO idea, it used to really anger me, but now i just educate them.....a shocking thing i learnt was just how many ppl esp in the states, had no idea children could have cancer...REALLY!!...true....jayden reminds me so much of my little dylan and how he fought, leisl i dont believe in the lord, but i do believe my angel is still around us, and i do ask for him to go and be with jayden and look after his buddy.....i am always here for you, you know you never gotta feel alone, sending you all my strength hun, and tell jayden the u.k love him.xx