Something woke me at 4 am and I can't get back to sleep. I'm laying In My own bed with my five year old snuggled right next to me and I can't stop thinking about Jayden. Danny stayed last night. It was really hard to leave him yesterday afternoon but I knew I had to. Danny needed to spend some time with him
And my other kids needed to see me. I hate been torn between the two.
I miss him. I can't stop worrying about him. I will be with him soon but I wish he were here with us. I'm worried how he is coping, how his night was. Is he in pain?
When I think about my little man I well up. The tears just keep coming and I'm beginning to think I may need help from the pharmaceutical department. I feel like I'm drowning in a sea of emotions most days and can't find the bloody shore. It's shit.
My kids are fabulous. no matter how shit I feel they are a reminder to keep on going. So often I just want to crawl up in a ball and hide from it all and cry. But I don't. They are so excited to see me when I get home and they give me the strength to keep going.
My little man needs me, they all do and I know I have to get up, suck it up and face a new day. It's bloody hard though.
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