Friday, 14 September 2012

Day one chemo

I'm laying next to my beautiful little boy in his Hospital bed with the railings up so it feels like laying in a big cot. He's asleep.
He's had a tough day. The last of his chemo for today stopped not long ago. He's been vomiting. He's been uncomfortable from the catheter and required pain relief. He's now sleeping with a very sniffly cold and I'm so worried about him.
I really feel like I've hit a wall emotionally. I feel as though now the tears are flowing more often and harder to hold in.
It doesn't matter what I do to keep my mind busy now, it just doesn't seem enough.
I'm not sure if it's because his treatment is nearing an end and the fear of the tumour returning or that it's just only so much one person can bare.

My sister was here tonight to bring back my dinner that Danny accidentally took back home with him. She would have to be one of the strongest women I know apart from her twin and my mum. She's always rock solid emotionally and gets on with life no matter what gets thrown at her. Her twin is no different. Two women I have truly admired all my life. Their lives are further rocked now on top of all this for reasons I can't disclose. Tonight I saw her cry and that was hard. Hard to see her hurting, hard to know how much all of our lives in my family have been rocked by the events of this year.
7 months ago we were all laughing and enjoying life and now here we are, crushed, hurting and the realization that life is so very fragile.

Jayden is snoring now, as I should be and I go to sleep tonight hoping and praying that soon we will all see a day where somehow we will find peace from this nightmare and be able to breath again without pain.

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1 comment:

  1. I don't have the words to comfort you. Just know we are out here thinking of you, feeling your depth of despair, praying to all our beliefs that Jayden wins this battle with this horrible beast. I hope and pray tomorrow brings you more moments of lightness and joy with your brave little man. Love to you Leisl and your family Xx