We are Still in hospital and i Am laying next to my little man as I type. He's not well at all. He had a temp earlier in the evening and again later but seems to have settled. His wee eye is red and weeping so guessing conjunctivitis again. The pain for the mucositis is being managed so he's relatively comfortable. But he is miserable and looks terrible. He's sleeping a lot and just not his happy self.
Our onchologist was in this morning and expects he will have a temp in the next day or two. He told us his counts are down and his important neutrophils are at 0.00. Bloods are low too and he also expects he will need a blood transfusion and platelets tomorrow. A much rougher ride for him this time round and awful to watch.
I feel even worse as I have a cough and could potentially pass it on to him and there's nothing I can do about it. Spoke to the oncologist about it today and he said it's just one of those things that can't be helped. I will feel so dreadful if he gets it while he is already so very ill.
He's asleep now and has been most of the day. When he's awake he's vomiting a bit and still squirting poos from his now very sore bottom. I am changing his nappy as often as possible and every time i wipe his bottom he gets very upset because it hurts so much. He complains of the pain in his tummy as well as his bowels move and so the nurses administer pain relief. It's so sad to see him like this. I'm so very scared of what the next few days will bring and nobody really knows. Awful, awful stuff.
The kids and danny came in to see him in the afternoon and then I went home with them for a bit. It never seems long enough and I know they feel it too. I love them so very much and often they get me when I'm so very tired, worried and run down and just not the mother I would like to be for them. I found myself growling at them today because we went to buy Jayden a toy to take back to the hospital for him because he was feeling so miserable. They were in the store with me whingeing because they wanted a bigger toy than the one I allowed them to have so they wouldn't feel left out. Did I get cranky and rant about how Jayden was sick in Hospital and that's what they should be upset about not a damn toy, and they should be happy they even got that and don't be so selfish, bla, bla, bla. I was just so tired and always want our small bits of time together to be perfect and they always seem to wind up with me getting cranky about something. Its awful. My beautiful kids are going to start wishing id stay at hospital soon I'm sure.
Fortunately the afternoon got better and we ordered pizza and watched a bit of a video by which time I had to get organized and come back. We all came back and Danny took the kids home. I still felt a bit miffed that I didn't get to spend a whole afternoon just hanging out with them but at least I got some I guess.
I miss them so very much when I'm here and they are just growing up so fast.
Jaydens snoring in my ear at the moment, he's congested. I'm really worried.
I know I can only take one day at a time but how I wish days like these would move so much faster so we can get to the good ones quicker.
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