Today danny and I decided we should take jaydens NG tube out. We had been thinking about it for a few days now as he has been increasingly eating which has been brilliant! today it was fast forwarded however as we got some vege juice stuck in it and as the day progressed the blockage seemed to be getting worse. So this evening with Luke looking on and encouraging Jayden all the way, I quickly removed his tube. Luke was so excited to see his little face again and so was I! It was just so beautiful to see ALL of it with no bandage or tube coming out of his nose. Just beautiful. Truly, truly wonderful. Jayden was a little shell shocked as the tube is never nice to be taken pit and he cried for sometime but not for long as we were too excited for him! We raced out to the kitchen to show Layla and dad and they were super excited as well then we went over to our neighbors and Jenny and Mick were ecstatic! They were so happy for him and immediately served him and Luke up some soup! Hilarious. Italians are beautiful people, love their food! Really wonderful. I love his little face so much and I am so glad to see all of it again. Yah!
I have to say I've had a better day today. Not only because jaydens NG tube came out but also because my son Luke received his first merit certificate at school and both Danny and I were there to see it. It was truly magic as previously we have been in hospital and missed anything like that. he was all smiles standing on the stage holding his merit certificate in front of him alongside all the other kids that received one. I was just so proud of him and I don't think I've had a moment like that in so long where I was able to think about one of my other kids without worrying about jayden. for that moment I was truly absorbed in how happy I was for him standing there all smiles. He is truly a beautiful boy and my god I love him to bits. I know him and Layla often feel left out and at that moment watching him standing there I was reminded how little he was, young and innocent. But Both my kids have had to grow up so fast during this awful time and lost their mum for such a huge part of it and in some ways they still have. I just wanted to race up to him there and then and give him the biggest cuddle ever and tell him how proud i am of him and how much I do love him. When he got home later I was able to give him that big hug and tell him that.
I also had a visit from a wonderful friend I've made through all this crap and her beautiful boy. It was nice to be in the company of someone who truly understands this nightmare. Not long after she left I made a phone call to another mum who also understands this mess. I know now that I need to be able to do that. To reach out to others and find my way through this whole mess without completely falling apart.
I'm so tired now and everyone is snoring, exactly what I should be doing. I hope one day that will be easy for me to do, maybe tonight it will.... I hope so.