I took jayden over to see my sister today. For all the baggage we carried towards each other in the past its definitely no longer there now. It's amazing what cancer can do to your relationships. In my case it has brought me closer to the ones I love and mended torn relationships. A diagnoses of cancer puts your life instantly in perspective and the people who truly love you stand out like beacons. My sister was there for me almost every night at the hospital when jayden was first diagnosed and her twin came down to help look after our kids. I love them both dearly and even more so now. They have continued to be a pillar of strength for me and my kids and i will be eternally grateful that i have them in my life.
Growing up I didn't have much to do with them and mainly because of the six year age gap (they are older, although will tell you different) and also because they re twins and so they always had each other. I never thought about it much as a child but as I got older I missed not having a sister bond with either of them. Later, having kids we managed to get a little closer but often the stuff we carry around from the past would get in the way of that bond ever becoming the one i had hoped for. I always wanted to be close to them but always felt like i was on the outer. They couldn't have proved me more wrong when Jayden became ill. They were both there at the hospital and remained supportive and there for me ever since.
I now feel a closeness to them both that i never knew was there but probably always was. They are both truly very special people, fabulous mums and true inspirations to me. I have always admired them and looked up to them in awe growing up. I remember as a little girl watching them apply their makeup and get ready to go out and wished that I would grow up to be just like them. Im sure they thought i was a pain in the arse back then and absolutely hated sharing a room with me but i loved being in their presence no matter how annoying they thought i was.
The relationship I have with them now is even more special than before in that I have a very deep love for them both and an awareness of how special they are in my life. I could not imagine doing this without them and wouldn't want to. Without my mum it's hard, and I often wonder what advice she would have given me if she were alive. But I only have to be with my sisters to know she is still very much alive in each and every one of us girls.
I watched my sister today and I saw my mum so clearly in her. The way she played with Jayden and talked to him, made him laugh, and was just really gorgeous to him. He loves her and whenever I tell him we are visiting her he can't get out of the house and into the car quick enough.
She is truly one of the most beautiful people I know and I can't believe there was a time in our lives we didn't really get on. She's a great person, a loving person and would do absolutely anything for me if I needed her too. I know that now. My life has such a clear perspective now. I see things as I always should have and I value what is truly important. She's important, my other sister is important and so is all my family.
I have always loved my family and felt blessed knowing I was loved back. I hope that my kids will always have a clear perspective on what's important in their lives too and if that's the only one thing I can get across to them in their lives then i will feel like i achieved my job as a parent.
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