Its 2am in the morning and i cant sleep, again. Jayden woke me an hour ago and I haven't been able to get back to sleep. He had a nightmare, well at least I hope that's what is was although I'm laying awake worrying he's uncomfortable as a result of something not good.
We had an appointment with Nick today at 9:45am, not sure why we bothered to hurry to get there on time as we never actually saw him till after 12." PMH time" according to one of the other mothers who was also waiting.
He examined Jayden and couldn't explain his vomiting but didn't believe anything would have grown back so quickly so wasn't too worried. Danny was happy with that but it was no reassurance to me what's so ever. The amount of times I have sat in a doctors office and they have told me there is nothing wrong with my son is Phenomenal. So it's difficult for me to take anything that comes out of a doctors mouth now as complete gospel. I will always have doubts.
So i left his office feeling no better than when i went it. We do have some good news though and that is We found out today Jayden's Broviac will be removed on Friday! Yah! Very happy about that. Can't believe I will no longer see that dreadful thing hanging out from his chest and I can only pray and hope I will never see it again.
I had mixed emotions being back at PMH today. I will always have doubts about our decision to pull out early but also being in there was truly confronting. I still can't believe we did what we did, day in day out. I watched the parents in there today and it was truly crushing. A lot of new kids I hadn't seem before or maybe never noticed but its just tragic. No one should have to walk through those doors with their child. It's insane that they have to.
I'm getting tired, thankfully. I'm going to stop writing and hope for sleep.
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