Tuesday, 20 November 2012

Comfort zone

Jayden keeps asking to go home and I can't help but wonder that he's not having as good a time away as I would have hoped. I think maybe when he's taken out of his comfort zone he begins to get nervous aBout what might happen next and if that is the case, who could really blame him. He's definitely his happiest when he is at home with his toys in his bed (well, our bed). Spending so much time in hospitals, it's no doubt he is happier at home.

Hes also been complaining about a pain in his neck where his Broviac had been inserted which I'm a little concerned about but Danny thinks its probably just scar tissue. It's not swelling or anything like that but something I think I should ask about when we see Nick next.
He vomited again this morning and we had no vomit bags on hand so the kitchen saucepan had to do. It would probably seem somewhat 'off' to an outsider how little concern we now have over vomits. Not the doing it, I hate that, I hate watching my poor little man go through that. But the mess of it I don't even give a second thought. It never makes me nauseous, I hardly notice the smell and I have absolutely no issue what's so ever with cleaning it up and neither does Danny. None of these things though did I want to get 'use' to in my life or begin to think as normal it all sux. We never want. To see Jayden vomit, ever. I hate it. Yesterday he didn't and it just completely changes the start to the day but today he did and it just makes me feel a little flat. Not only is it a reminder of how sick he is and of his tumour but its also a concern because no one knows why exactly he does it?

He's been super clingy to me lately and won't let dad do anything? And I mean anything. He wouldn't even let him open the door for him when he got it stuck or make him a glass of milk, nothing. I honestly think he's feeling a little vulnerable because he's not in his comfort zone. Shame really as out of everyone I really wanted him to feel happy too but I guess you can't get into the mind of a two year old and ask where they want to go? Although I'm pretty sure he would have said 'home'. Or 'aoifes'- our beautiful neighbour. But we can't holiday there.

We leave tomorrow where we are staying at the moment which is at a place called Preston Beach. Really, really quiet place on the coast with one shop that doubles as a bottle shop and deli/cafe. Lots of kangaroos which the kids loved to see and a couple of blue tongue lizards. Tomorrow we are heading further south which we are all looking forward to as well.

Kids are now sleeping after getting way too much sun and hopefully they will sleep in tomorrow- although very unlikely.

Jayden is laying next to me and looking like an angel. I just love him so very much. He's such a beautiful little man with a fabulous personality and full of spirit. God how I wish he would be in the 10%. I will always, always wish for that.
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1 comment:

  1. I took my kids to Preston Beach last Thursday to try get my 2 year old to have a sleep in the car, kids loved the Kangaroos as well. I said to Mark may be a good spot to holiday and we should try the Footprints resort.

    I am glad that Jayden enjoyed swimming, sounds like it really was a priceless moment :).

    My prayers are with your beautiful family ever night after I read your blog, i do hope that there are no more side affects and i often wonder how your sister-in-law that is a natropath will help in the future, sure she will work magic. I have consulted with Bondono in Joondalup when my kids were babies and was so impressed.