Jayden woke really early this morning from what i think was another nightmare (at least i hope so) and it wasn't looking like i was going to easily settle him. i was worried he would wake Luke up so I picked him up and we jumped into the spare bed. it didn't take long till he drifted off again whilst snuggled right into me. i knew i wouldn't go back to sleep but i laid there holding him, listening to him sleep and it had to be one of the best sounds. Just knowing he's alive and well and in my arms is the nicest place to be for me.
i love those moments so much where i get the longest cuddles and just being so close to him knowing he is with me, peaceful and happy. He woke up about an hour or so later to the sound of danny and the kids in the kitchen, it was a great start to the morning as he was well rested and happy although I have to say he is almost always happy in the morning and I do believe its cause he's home, where he should be. He didn't vomit this morning and I'd like to be excited about that but I know it means nothing yet.
The Kids headed off to school after breakie and danny off to a work thingy leaving Jayden and i to hang together. It was so nice to have him to myself and not plan to do anything else which is pretty much how we decided to spend the morning. We visited our favourite neighbour and beautiful dear friend who I love so much and Jayden absolutely adores. I met her not long after Jayden was born and she and her wonderful family have become so very special to us. sometimes people walk into our lives and its as if they were meant to be there all along. But That somehow they were sent to you when you needed them the most. I love this lady, she truly is a gift. A genuine, beautiful, kind, caring, loving and just amazingly gorgeous person.
I never feel like I'm burdening her with my extremely difficult situation and she is always available to cry to or with. There's no doubt in this journey you need that and I have been blessed to have people like her now in my life.
I am having a better day today and managing to get through it without falling apart, it's still incredibly hard but I'm starting to realise that maybe this is as good as it gets. My neighbour said that the other day to me and I think she's right. Life is never going to be as it were. This is always going to be painful, that somedays are going to be worse than others. That maybe that's just it- as good as it gets.
Today Jayden was visited by the fire brigade that was organised by another lovely lady whom I have never met in person but has helped our family out a lot through this journey. Her friends husband was the fireman that came to visit Jayden with his crew. They were so wonderful to Jayden and you couldn't wipe the smile of his or my face. To see him so happy holding the hose while water squirted out and sitting in the drivers seat of the big fire truck, it was magic.
It really made our day. We picked Luke up early from school to see it too and he also had a ride in the truck and even got a second go with Danny. It was truly wonderful and I'm so very grateful to the beautiful people who made that possible.
He's asleep now, everyone is except me of course. It's an early start tomorrow as Jayden is getting his Broviac out and we have to be there by 6:30am. He's first on the list. Not looking forward to him not being able to eat but by this time tomorrow ill be snuggling up to him without a Broviac hanging from his chest. I'm so looking forward to that.
I'm going to try to sleep now, snuggle into my beautiful little man and enjoy the sound of him sleeping.