Jayden went for his first swim yesterday since before this whole nightmare began. It was one of the best days we have had by far. Danny and I couldn't wipe the smiles off our faces watching him so happy splashing about in the pool. It was such a nice feeling to have some normality back in our lives. I can't believe how much I have missed him having that freedom to swim. For so long he had to watch the other kids enjoying a swim and now he can too. Truly, truly magic. No words are strong enough to describe how brilliant that was to witness.
We have been lucky enough to get away for a whole week but with some apprehension as we know the first sign of anything
That's not 'right' with Jayden is a quick drive back to the hospitAl. It would be more comforting and relaxing to not be worried aBout that but I don't think there will ever really be a time where I'm not worried about Jayden.
For now however it is just so nice to see him and the other kids so happy and enjoying being somewhere other than home without any Hospital visits or procedures and all of us together.
They are currently playing in the lounge at the place we are staying, building cubby houses with the sofas cushions. How creative kids become without their usual toys is amazing. They are just so happy together and it's these moments that I love more than anything in my life. Id like to be able to bottle these moments up forever and take them out again whenever I feel low because they truly lift my spirits.
I feel like crying now. Every time I think about how precious these times are and how one day they may be gone forever just makes my heart ache. Once upon a time I could watch them and think about them growing into beautiful adults and now I grasp every second I have of all three together and wish and hope with every ounce of my being that I get another second and another..
its tough not to go to that place in my head, I try hard not too but with every beautiful moment I have with my children a sadness lingers in the back of my mind.
My precious little man, the very knowledge that he has an aggressive cancer that could come back at anytime and these moments gone forever is truly hard to fathom and gut-wrenchingly sad to think of. Our lives now evolve around each MRI results. I'm able to breath some sigh of relief that we have been blessed with more time, and I can only hope we get so much more.
So as I sit here watching my beautiful kids laughing and smiling, I'm wishing this moment could last a lifetime.