What I do have for Xmas is the love of my family and that's worth more than any gift you can buy. I guess for me it also reminds me of the love I no longer have and the love I could lose one day. It's a very tricky time of the year for a lot of people for so many different reasons and no matter how difficult I'm finding it I'm determined to make sure my kids remember it as wonderful.
My first mission was to bring Xmas to our house with lights and last night it was beginning to look pretty spectacular. Every year we would load the kids in the car on a beautiful night and drive around to all the houses in Perth that have their front lawns and homes covered in lights. These can be truly spectacular and the kids absolutely love it. This year I decided we would bring that to our own home. So in the last week danny has been on the roof putting up solar Xmas lights I purchased from the shops and last night we were all out there admiring his handy work again. We started it last week and have been out there every night seeing what more we can do and what else should be added. Its a whole family creation and the kids are loving it. obviously it doesn't look anything like the spectacular efforts made by the wonderful people that create the outside of their homes into a xmas wonderland but to the kids its perfect.
It's a small start, but its a start. I know I can't make it perfect but just the simple fact that all five of us will be together is perfect enough. Somedays its hard to remember that and to instead fall into the trap of worrying about the future. It will always be there, the thought and knowledge I may no longer have my precious son with me. I know I have to focus on the fact that I have him with me now and enjoy every second of it. but always in the back of my mind the thought and fear is there.
Today I'm ready to venture the shops again and try to remember that even though I can't buy what I really want for Xmas I do have the love of my family, all five of us at Xmas together and that is truly the best gift of all.
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