Tuesday, 18 December 2012

Sitting in the car once again, parked under a tree. Jayden asleep, looking angelic and me wishing I was doing the same. Not the best night had by all last night as Jayden was very restless and we have no idea why. He woke up not the best and has been grumpy for most of the morning but I'm hoping its just because he's tired.

The slightest sign of him not being himself completely puts me in panic mode and right now I'm trying to convince myself not too worry and that it's sure to be something insignificant.

I had made plans to get a lot done today while danny amused Jayden but Jayden was not going to be with anyone else but me. For me that's usually a sign that he's not himself and possibly feeling well.
Hopefully it's all because he's tired and when he wakes from his nap he will be fine. Praying for that.

On a different note I recently got in contact with an old friend that in the beginning of this mess like all my close friends I found myself withdrawing from. this whole journey is so overwhelming, particularly in the beginning and talking about it to anybody was pure torture. later i found myself leaning more towards people who are travelling similar journeys and therefore had some idea of how i felt and a handful of other special people.

Lately I've felt bad about that and reached out to one of my close friends who when she didn't return my call I thought I had indeed upset her. It worked out that her phone wasn't working and she's flat out at work but was able to return my email.
When I read it, it made me cry. She told me she totally understood why I leaned more towards people who understood our extreme circumstances and she would never take offence to anything I wrote. She said people who know you would understand and that when I was ready to catch up to her she would be waiting. What a beautiful person and friend. I feel so lucky to have people like that in my life and am looking forward to indeed seeing her once again.

This has without a doubt been a difficult journey and continues to be so. It has tested many of my relationships but those that are worth keeping are those that are prepared to understand. It has highlighted to me who is important to me in my life and whom I should steer away from. For life is too short to waste precious time or energy on people who don't bring support and love to your life. I've had to learn that the hard way.

It's a few hours later and I'm now laying in bed next to my little man. He didn't wake up happy from his nap today unfortunately but slowly came good as the day progressed. I don't believe he is quite himself though and feel As if I'm constantly staring at him through a microscope. For instance His right eye was red today and I was worried it looked like it may be drooping but the more I looked the more I realised maybe not. He tripped over a few times this morning as well and again i was feeling uneasy. Nightmare.

He's asleep though now and I'm hoping he gets a really good night sleep to make up for the crap one last night and to stop me worrying. Although, I'm not sure that's possible.

Santa is visiting us tomorrow thanks to a beautiful friend of a friend. Kids are really excited and so am I. A day to look forward too , although any day with all my children with me, is a great day.

At the park this afternoon.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone


  1. Have a wonderful day tomorrow with your babies leisl. Doesn't get much more exciting than Santa coming! so special.
    Jayden's pic is beautiful, such a yummy, happy face :-)
    Your love you have for your family is endless, they are so lucky to have you as their Mummy and so wonderful to read you are reaching out to those moments that you can 'feel the breaze'... love to you all XXX