The other thing that stuck in my mind was that the drugs they use in childhood cancer now were developed 30 years ago and the only difference is they pump higher doses in the kids today??? That is truly devastating in my mind.
So we've spent the last 8 months allowing doctors to pump chemicals in our son that were developed in 80s only now it's a much higher dose? How backward is that? It made me feel ill. Truly ill and truly disheartened.
I came back to bed and sat by Jayden's side and watched him. his beautiful face, his innocence. he never did anything to deserve this sentence.
I thought about all the shit we allowed them to pump into him and it made me feel ill. In the video it talks about the devastating side effects of the chemo how it can cause other cancers among a whole lot of other nasties later on down the track.
but more than anything it amazed me how little research is going into it. that because its not as common as adult cancers it doesn't get the funding it so truly deserves. Insane.
It didn't give me hope, it saddened me. It was a slap in the face of the reality of what we are dealing with in our family and god knows I've had plenty of them.
Most people have no idea what childhood cancer is about and some don't even know kids get cancer. I know before this happened to us I knew nothing about childhood cancer and now I know ways too much.
I hope that video i watched gets viewed by millions and that something gets changed soon rather than later. i hope for this with all my heart as i would never want another child and parent to have to endure what we have had to endure and continue to do so.
I know Jayden's fight is not over, it never will be and everyday I'm scared. Today he slept for three hours and I was terrified. Before his tumour was diagnosed he would sleep for hours in the day. I remember boasting about it to another parent now it scares me senseless, nothing about it is worth boasting about now.
Its morning now and I talked to danny this morning about the video. Both of us have done a lot of research into Jayden's cancer and both of us can't believe the treatment that is out there for these kids. I truly believe that in years to come doctors will look back on what they do to kids now with cancer and cringe, they will be appalled that those were the options and that they put children through it. This is what I hope will happen. That there will be change and treatments will become kinder and more successful.
But for Now this is all they have available, and the success of it is dismal. In the oncologist eyes a child that lives beyond five years after treatment is a survivor?? Not a lifetime, but five years. I personally think that's the most ridiculous time frame to gage the success of treatment in children? So if the child dies in the sixth year they are still classed as a survivor? Madness.
I watch my son today and I know deep down his future is uncertain that there is a big chance we won't see him put a school uniform on. I also know I need to love him to bits and enjoy every second I have with him now. That one day our family could be four and not the five it's meant to be.
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