Wednesday, 30 January 2013

Appointment with Dr Nick

Jayden had an appointment with Dr Nick yesterday. He didn't want to go so we had to bribe him with a toy to get him in the car. We didn't want to go either but knowing it was just an appointment and not an admission helps a great deal. Would rather not go back ever for anything but he needs to be checked out.

We got there a little late due to parking issues, but fortunately Nick wasn't. We went over the scans and talked about what could be seen on them. The original ones, extremely confronting. The most recent ones though show no sign of the tumor. thats great news of course but i wish it meant he was cured, forever.

A lot was said but the one statement that sticks in my mind was Nick mentioned that they don't know if this trial he went on just prolongs relapse or indeed cures the kids. That just made me feel sick. Some would say I'm a pessimist, but when statements are made like that in front of me by professionals and all the evidence available on the Internet points to a very slim chance of long term survival then how can I not think the worst?

Jayden sat in Dr Nicks room so quietly and played with his toys and you just can't help asking the question, why? Why a child has this happen to them? Why him? Why any child? It truly makes me so confused, incredibly sad and hugely frustrated that it continues to happen. So many new faces we saw on the ward today, very, very sad.

Before we left we had to get his blood taken from a different part of the hospital, which is usually just a prick of his finger. Today however he was required to have blood drawn from a vein in his arm.

He waited in the waiting room with us quite happily and we walked into the room where it was to be done when his name was called. All was fine until he realised it wasn't going to be a finger prick. I knew that images of his previous experience flashed before him and he went nuts. Screaming and crying for it not to happen. PathWest ladies though are experts at this and I love them for that. They take less than 10 seconds to find a vein, pop the needle in, draw the blood and out. The whole process no longer than 30 seconds. Why these women don't get called on the wArds to insert lines I will never, ever understand.

Regardless of how quick it was Jayden of course was still very upset and trAumatised. I think he has become so sensitive to this nightmare now that any procedure whether its quick or long is truly frightening.

He did make us smile on the way home though as he hadn't forgotten what happened and reminded us it hurt then said "stupid lady". His way of letting out his anger of the whole ordeal. I'm sure if his vocabulary were wider he would say a lot more.

He slept in the car on the way home and we were able to transfer him into our bed so he got a nice big nap for the day.

I later received an email from nick to say his bloods looked good and we could stop the antibiotics he was on. yah for that.

Big day for him but not as big as he has had. we finished it off with some quality time at the park.

Another day, another day to be grateful but in the back of my mind I wish so hard I could just be, and not worry about the future. That instead of noticing how lucky I am to have him with me today i could just love him without worry of the future.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone


  1. Gosh Jayden is so perfect, I look at him and have an overwhelming positive feeling that he will be fine forever. Please God let it be and for this I will pray for the rest of my days. You have a beautiful family and you are such a beautiful Mum. Xxx

  2. I hope with all my heart that everything will be ok and you won't have to worry anymore x