It's my birthday tomorrow and I'm looking forward to waking up to my three beautiful kids excited to give me presents they have made or bought with dad. I would just be happy with loads of cuddles but anything that involves a cake my kids just love to celebrate.
I forgot Danny's birthday last year and I asked him why he didn't remind me and he said it just didn't matter to him. At the time I didn't understand but as today came and went I wasn't the slightest bit excited about tomorrow like I would have been in the past. Although i am looking forward to them jumping on my bed. Priorities have changed. The only birthday I'm anticipating and will be super excited about is Jayden turning 3 in May and every birthday he gets to after that. I also love my other kids birthdays of course. Another year older and another celebration worth having. But me getting older, well it just doesn't have the same effect or meaning. And as a woman we just don't wAnt to count past 30 and I'm way past that!
Tonight we had organised to go out for dinner to celebrate, just Danny and I and his mother was meant to babysit. But as the day went by and it got closer to us going out I started to feel anxious about leaving Jayden. I've never left him for an evening and no one else has put him to bed except me. It really started to eat away at me and by the afternoon I was phoning Danny's mum to cancel. She still came to visit though which wAs great, love seeing her and so do the kids.
As I sat around the dinner table with my kids tonight eating dinner I felt so glad I never went out. We had a wonderful time, I love having us all together in one place even if its just around the dinner table. The kids were happy, we were happy, truly beats the hell out of a dinner in a restaurant without them.
Jayden's been great today. Still wobbly. Had a few tantrums in the morning that seemed to go on for ages but otherwise good. He's eating really well. I'm snuggled right up to him now and I'm so glad I am. I don't want to miss one single second of his life or my other kids.
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