Wednesday, 2 January 2013
I'm so tired lately yet seem to be getting enough sleep. Jayden is asleep in the car at the moment and I should be too. About to transfer him to his bed (well, our bed) as its too hot to be in the car . He transfers well but now that I've written that he probably won't today. Will give it a go all the same.
He's in bed now. All good. Almost wasn't with my other son intent on talking as i quietly walk pasted with Jayden in my arms, rascal. Jayden looks very peaceful and happy now, sleeping soundly. I love watching him sleep.
He was up again at 5:00 am this morning and bright as a button as per usual. We had our cup of tea and fortunately no vomiting today, at least not as yet and hoping that will be the same for the rest of the day.
We had a quiet day yesterday and didn't really do much other than hang out at home. One of my most favourite things to do but sometimes bores the kids. They just want to go, go, go all day and we just want to kick back and do not much at all.
Today we started off with a swim however in the neighbours pool which was just brilliant and woke us all up. Nothing planned for the rest of the day but that's ok.
But right now I'm laying next to Jayden whilst writing in this blog. This morning I've been thinking about an entry i read the other day in another mothers blog about her husband. She wrote about how they met and fell in love and it was really beautiful to read. She wrote it as it was their anniversary and wished him a happy anniversary at the end of it.
Ever since i read it, it got me thinking about Danny and my relationship. We don't have the same story or anything like her story. And we never did the usual - met, dated, fell in love then married. It was nothing like that at all. although it probably isn't like that for a lot of people but rather, what is expected.
Anyway, I met Danny when I was 30 and at that time I had just broken from a 'not the best' relationship. I seemed to have had a terrible ability to constantly choose the wrong partner when I was young. That's not to say there was anything wrong with the men I dated as I'm sure they became very right for someone else, just not for me.
My first impression of Danny was "decent". Weird I know but he truly is a decent human being and when I first met him it was obvious. He was kind, respectful and honest. I never thought much more about him after that first meeting. however I was working with his mate at the time and he harped on about Danny to me so much afterwards insisting I should give him a call that in the end I figured "why not", he seemed a really nice guy and I could do with some "nice" in my life. This all sounds unflattering towards danny at the moment but let's bare in mind I was not good at picking the right fella and even when he was right under my nose I didn't see it. Thank goodness, for his mate who insisted I ring him. I did and that was the beginning of a really fun, caring and honest relationship with the most easy going guy I had ever met. I never saw it as a long lasting relationship though and neither did danny, we were just happy hanging out together.
The piece I'm missing in this story Is that at the time, danny was 22. So where I was heading in my life was different to where he was heading. We both knew that and that was ok. So that's why we thought nothing would come of it.
I can't remember exactly how long that part when on for but eventually we went our separate ways and I travelled overseas for a job (sounds glamorous but it wasn't). We always remained in contact as he was someone I couldn't see myself without in my life in some shape or form even if it were just friends. To cut a long story short he came over to where I was, it didn't seem to be working between us, he returned home, I came back soon after and we remained in contact.
I truly can't remember the exact details of that time but I know we were never in a serious relationship however I always enjoyed his company and considered him a beautiful person who i respected dearly. Looking back now I think we were both unsure of what we really wanted and it wasn't until, the best mistake of my life happened, did it all become clear.
Layla was conceived, we weren't married, shocking for some and I'm very sorry to those I may have offended. This unfortunately at the time is where a perfectly good relationship went very sour. No one person to blame and what followed was a very turbulent time in both danny and my lives that tested all boundaries of our friendship and whatever was left of our relationship. Suffice to say we became enemies overnight.
Time heals all wounds they say and that was certainly the case with us. Two years later, lots of sessions with a counsellor and the big decision to give our relationship a "go" for the sake of Layla was made.
My dad told me once when I was in my twenties " a marriage is like a job, you have to work at it everyday". I remember thinking "why on earth would I do that? And if I got married there's no way that's what I'm doing". Of course years later, several life experiences under my belt and a big chunk of maturity has me understanding exactly what he meant. My dad, right yet again.
Danny and I have worked really hard to get where we are and we continue to do so. In the beginning whenever times got tough we would drag ourselves back to the counsellor and work out how we can get through it and even to this day we are still working at it.
Last year was our biggest test without a doubt. The hardest hurdle we have had to jump and makes all the stuff we went through in the past look like chicken feed. We know we still have many hurdles to overcome and our day to day living has become one big hurdle. The worry about Jayden intensifies everything and we have had to work harder than ever before.
But with everyday we overcome I love him more. I remember my dad also saying "your mother loves me more today than the day she married me". Again that made no sense to me at all back then. But now it's as clear as the day is outside as I'm writing this blog. Crystal clear.