Sunday, 3 February 2013

Starting school

It's Sunday night, the end of the weekend and the school holidays. Kids are back to school tomorrow and I have to say I'm sad about that. Even though there has been moments where they have driven me nuts, which is usually when I'm tired and not parenting the way i would like. For the most of it, however I Have absolutely loved having them home. i feel like i missed so much of their growing up last year that it was so nice to see them every second of everyday and to not be away from them for any length of time. It is so nice to be home with them all.

Spent most of the day covering books and labelling everything needed for their school bags. Normal stuff, nice. Jayden helping and asking all the time where his is. "When I'm bigger mum?" He says as that's what we tell him every time school has come up in conversation. He is so keen to go to school, nothing like my other two. Neither of them ever got excited about school, but Jayden, he wants to go big time. I so hope I see that happen. I will be the happiest mum in the world if I get to see him wear a school uniform. I won't want to see him go of course as I'd like to have all my kids home with me forever but I will be so happy for him and so very proud.

He vomited the other morning so that got my stress levels back up there. I so hope it is cyclic vomiting a lovely mum suggested before. I do hope that's all it is. Of course without that diagnosis I am completely stressed out every time it happens and haven't stopped thinking about it since. He didn't this morning so I relaxed a bit but I'm still worried. He doesn't get his next scan until April and how I wish I had someway of knowing sooner. Some test that he could do every morning so I could breathe a little. Although it wouldn't stop me worrying about the future, nothing can do that.

Jayden started off the day with colouring and ended up drawing all over himself Today, a photo to prove it below.

Love this picture, he looks so cute. He has the texture smudged all over his face, gorgeous little man.

This picture is of Layla and him sitting on the kitchen table today. Sometimes when we have problems getting him to take his supplements we call on the kids and today Layla was able to convince him. They both sat on the table and Layla carefully squirted it in his mouth with a syringe, making a game out of it all the while. Shes so beautiful with him she makes me so very proud. So is Luke. They all have their very unique and special relationships. This whole nightmare has truly bought them all so much closer and has changed them all I'm sure, as people forever.

Where he is right now. On my side of the bed. Little rascal.

Love my little man so much it hurts. Had moments today like everyday where I just had to focus on holding back the tears. Swallow them down and move on. I don't know if there will ever be a time when I don't. When I stop worrying, fearing the future and hurting. I can't see it.
Being back home and out of the hospital obviously helps a lot and having a bit of normality back is also good. But it's never really normal. There's no going back to how things were and no matter how much I wish it were so, its not going to be.
I'm grateful for today, and every second I have with him and all my kids. I'm grateful to be home with them and getting ready for school tomorrow. I'm grateful I will be the one that takes Luke to school tomorrow for his first day in year one!

I hope and pray I get to do that with Jayden.


  1. Such a beautiful post, made me smile, laugh and cry. Although I don't personally know you, this post made me so proud of your courageous family xoxo

  2. Amen, us too love . . . how blessed your family must feel at this time. I hope you find some time to yourself in the regularity of the school season to isolate and separate your feelings from your fears; and ditch the fears so that you may enjoy motherhood wholeheartedly, you deserve it! XOX

  3. Jayden is so gorgeous,truly is.& look at that smile so cheeky.Leisl & Danny you are such a wonderful & courageous family.
    Special Blessings
    June xxx