I vomited tonight after dinner? Not Jayden, thankfully. I have no idea why but I'm definitely not pregnant, sadly. No more babies for danny and I. Wish I had of started younger as I would have certainly had more. Feeling very stressed and a little browned off about stuff and things and extremely tired.
The other day I received a text message from my dear friend which contained a recent article on proton beam therapy and ATRT kids. I posted it on Jayden's Facebook page because it seemed like good news, finally. Not great news as a CURE would be greAt news but it said that 9 out of 10 children treated with proton beam therapy with ATRT were still alive after 2 years. Of course unless you read the full article you wouldn't know two of the children had relapsed in that time and some were much older than Jayden so they would have had full brain and spine radiation and many other finer points.
Of course i hadn't had a chance to read the whole article, and i posted it on Jayden's Facebook page without doing so as i was excited about the news and wanted to share it. I was beginning to feel good about the prospect of Jayden being with us for a couple more years. Its sad, very sad that our hopes are measured in small amounts of time rather than the lifetime we assumed we would have with our son when he was born. Now we get excited about the possibility that he may get a couple of years. In fact, every day we get is a huge bonus and worth celebrating.
Of course the document wasn't as i thought it was and someone was able to point that out to me and it pissed me off to say the least.
Why cant i get a piece of good news (as small as it was) and it stay good news. damn it.
Sometimes I think I would be better off not knowing all the crap statistics, just like Jayden. Then at least I would just cruise through each day without thinking about it as Jayden does.
I still haven't read the whole article and i don't think i want to. what is that saying? 'Ignorance is bliss?'
That's my whinge for today. I am now going to lay down with my boys and hope this pounding headache i have goes away.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone