Today however that's not what happened. Danny worked today so I was flat out getting kids to school and Jayden hates it when I'm busy but I find it good in that it takes my mind off other stuff. Jayden and I walked them over to school then dropped into our neighbours for a quick coffee. We didn't even get to really enjoy it as I had to go to a doctors appointment at 9;30 so not long after arriving we were leaving.
Normal stuff to me but not to a two year old whose happy playtime had to end. We whizzed down to the doctors just in time but only to find I'm an hour early. normal stuff but i wanted to cry. the simplest slip ups bring me to tears. So we left and went to the toy shop as a beautiful friend had organised for us to pick up a pirate costume for Jayden for his birthday in May. A little early I know but you can never be too prepared. Jayden had a wonderful time playing in the shop but again I had to stop him playing and pack him up to go to the doctors. By this time he had really had enough and was nearly asleep on the way there.
We got there just in time and didn't have to wait long before we were called in by which time he was very grumpy. When he set his eyes on the doctor he began to cry and I had to explain to him it was me the doctor was seeing and not him. He sat on my lap during the consultation and at one stage I thought he had fallen asleep. Really nice doctor whom always asks after Jayden when he's not with me and today asked how I was doing. I told him about what's been going on and found myself saying "all I want to hear from somebody is that everything is going to be ok and no one can say that". He said to me " you clearly have yourself well educated on this topic of his cancer and a sense of realism about the outcome but he does have a chance and miracles do happen. Try to believe in that".
With that tears streamed down my face and I wanted to give him a big cuddle. "Thank you for saying that" was all I could muster and not long after we left.
After the doctors we had to whizz home yet again to grab some lunch, organise afternoon tea and dinner and then race over to take Layla to tutoring. Jayden was yet again yanked away from his happy playing and not at all impressed. we Dropped her off at her tutoring and when I told him we now had to get back in the car to go back and get Luke, well, that was it. He spat it big time and who could blame him. He didn't get one moment to truly relax all day and neither did I. Stupid. I forgot to "take it easy", most of the things we did today could have waited but i squeezed it all into one day instead. I think maybe I do that in order to take my mind of things but if anything I'm left feeling worse because I didn't take any real time to soak up my little man.
By the time we drove back home though he was fast asleep and I gently transferred him into our bed. I couldn't even lay with him for a while as I had to race over and get Luke, leave them both with my dad whom was here then race back to pick up Layla.
I'm now back from picking up Layla and finally laying with my little man. Exhausting. He's been asleep for sometime but I know he would need it so I'm not going to wake him up.
It's a few hours later and I'm super tired myself. About to sit and read to my beautiful boys and finally "take it easy".
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