Tuesday, 19 March 2013

The sound of my kids laughing as they play is undoubtably the best sound in the world. luke always knows how to make Jayden laugh the hardest, its not just your little giggle kind of laugh but the big "from your belly" laugh. Every time I hear it I smile. Sometimes its so infectious I find myself laughing as well, even without knowing whats so funny.

I just walked in to see what they were laughing about and both of them were sitting in the bath with wash cloths on their heads, wearing them like hats. Obviously hilarious to them. I stood there listening to them and smiling as they sat in the bath laughing and making fun, but in the back of my mind i was worrying and my thoughts made me sad. i thought about how wonderful their relationship is and how each day it blossoms more. As Jayden grows older the four year gap between them seems to get shorter and their closeness stronger. I know luke loves him dearly. They may argue sometimes but he's got his back always. I saw him accidentally kick a ball into Jayden's face today and you could see Luke was horrified he had done it and raced right up to him to give him a cuddle. they didn't know I was watching at the time. It would have hurt but with Luke's arms around him he didn't cry. He did say to Luke "that really hurt luke", which made me smile. Luke cuddled him for a while longer, said how sorry he was and not longer after they broke away from each other and continued playing. A beautiful moment that again made me sad.

Every time i see them together it makes me smile but want to cry all at the same time. Its a crap feeling. not being able to truly enjoy watching their relationship grow without worrying that one day it may end. Worrying how they will cope. How Luke will cope.
I get the same feeling when i see danny and his brother together. watching them and hating that luke and Jayden may not get what they have.

I hope with all my heart they do. They are both such gentle souls, big sooks, and truly loving brothers. I'm so proud of them and how well they interact and look out for each other.
I'm so glad for Jayden that he has his siblings because they truly have been a big part of getting him better. I can only hope their relationship is so strong that it helps Jayden to defy the odds.

Jayden and i went to the river this afternoon while the kids were at school and just hung out, went for a walk and played on the playground. It truly is so important to just stop for a while. Feel that breeze I so desperately wanted to feel once and breathe. To take that time out with my son and just be. Be with each other, no one else, just us and the seagulls. Those times truly are the best times off my life. A moment shared alone with anyone of my kids is truly the best moments ever. I know I need to do it more often. For they are so very precious.

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