So today I finally got to sit down and speak with this man. The very first time I spoke to him was over the phone and I just knew from that conversation he was worth seeing. I could not have been more correct. I've seen a lot of counsellors in the past after my mum passed and since Jayden was diagnosed but none were like this man I saw today. He managed to dig up stuff in me I never knew was there. I couldn't even begin to describe the hour and a Half session I had with him, only to say it was well worth going. I know it isn't a fix but its a start. It's a realisation of what I need to really try and focus on and although its all easier said than done, its vitally important to my son and my children. It's a need to let go of the past, leave the future alone and to focus on the now.
One of the things he asked me to do though and I haven't been able to yet and quite frightened to, is to write a letter.
He told me to write my son a letter as if he has already passed and tell him all the things I would want him to know and would want to say to him before he went. Once I've done that he wants me to put it away and from that moment on say hello to my son and start life again so as to know every second from the moment I put that letter away is a true blessing. Difficult.
It's the next day and I still haven't written that letter. In all honesty I don't think I can. The thought of it alone is way to upsetting so too actually do it, I'm not sure I can.
I'd like to see this man again and I will but will have to wait until I can.
Jayden has still got his awful cold and I'm wondering if that will ever let up. i heard from Dr Nick yesterday regarding Jayden's tumour samples as we asked him some time ago if we could get a second opinion through CHOP and he had organised for that to be arranged. We expected it to come back as the same findings but still wanted to pursue it for peace of mind and we thought it would help with any further studies there.
Anyway he Wrote back to let us know there was some costs involved and that from what they can see from the test that have already been done the diagnosis is correct. bummer.
I also asked him if he could get Jayden's MRI moved earlier to the morning and it seems they are all going to be in the morning from now on. Yah for that. Although not sure when they were going to let us know that. Never mind as we do now and that's good.
I'm sitting in the car at the moment whilst Jayden is sleeping and for a change its not too hot. I know I have to get moving soon though as otherwise I'm likely to overheat the engine.
We are getting organised today to go to Rottnest Island for the weekend with Camp Quality. Very excited about it as we haven't been on a camp with them before and we have heard its a lot of fun. The kids haven't been to rottnest before either so they are very excited.
Trying to focus on the now, always difficult but trying all the same.