Had my CT scan today. Makes a change from Jayden. I Arrived there a little late due to a visit from a wonderful friend I haven't seen in sometime. Fortunately they were running late at the centre as well so it was fine.
I had only sat down for five minutes in the waiting room before a man came out and called my name. i got up And walked to him, he introduced himself and asked me if I had had a CT scan before, "no" I said. We began walking to the room and he said, "So you haven't seen this machine before then". "My son has had many so yes I've seen it before " I replied. "Oh " he said, followed by silence. He didn't ask anymore questions just showed me to the room.
Inside was the enormous ring shaped or donut shaped if you like, machine with a skinny bench that you lay on in the middle. He told me where to sit, put my head and how long the whole process would take. I carefully got upon the bench, lay my head down in the required spot and immediately began to think of Jayden. How scared he is when these are performed on him and as i lay there I'm not surprised. Im nervous myself and I know what's going on. I understand. He doesn't.
The man began to cover my face with a mask to shield my eyes from the red beam and my neck to protect my thyroid then adjusted the bench and my headrest. Once he was done he walked out of the room. Not long after he left, the machine started up and the bench I was laying on begins to move inside the big donut. It shuffles back and forth and within a few minutes it stops moving. The loud sound of the machine is still running and I lay there waiting to see the man and be given my next instruction. Minutes passed and still no sign of him and I was beginning to get very nervous. A flash back of when Jayden was first ever CT scanned ran through my mind...
After a horrific ordeal with a canular being inserted in his arm that caused blood to cover his arm, the towel that wrapped around him to stop him moving, and the doctors clothes, a new doctor arrived put it in then off we went for him to be scanned.
the walk from the emergency department to the radiology department is a blur in my mind today but i know there was one. Clutching him in my arms still screaming and frightened from that horrific ordeal with the canular and now entering a room with the same machine I'm laying in today. Both of us nervous and frightened of what's ahead only Jayden more scared than I of the machine. He's crying, strange people surround him, he's been awake vomiting since the early hours of the morning and he has no idea what's going on.
Im asked to lay him on a similar bench as mine today only fitted out smaller for children. Crying his eyes out and screaming out for me to pick him back up I stand there patting his body and assuring him everything is going to be ok. wishing and hoping in my mind that I'm bloody right. Im gowned up in a heavy metal apron with a piece that wraps around my neck and if the situation isn't frightening enough for him it certainly got scarier then. He's confused, tired, and just wants me to hold him in my arms and thats all i want to do as well. The men working the machine that day leave the room like the man did at my scan today and the machine starts up. Its so loud, his face turns to sheer terror. I keep talking to him with my hand on his chest as i cant get closer and assure him its ok. Holding back tears from watching him so frightened and not being able to comfort him.
Once it was done I stood there in silence watching the men behind the window looking at the scan. The machine remained running just as it was today with me and it seemed like ages before someone surfaced to tell us what they saw. Somehow however I knew. I knew that they had seen something. Today as I lay there waiting for the man to come out I remember like it were yesterday when I was waiting on that dreadful day. Except today when the man finally surfaced he said "all done, all good". What I wouldn't give for that same response when Jayden was scanned. What I wouldn't have given for that. For the men to resurface and tell me they saw nothing, that everything was ok and you can go home.
I walked out of the centre today after my scan thinking about him and that day. Thinking about how much life would have been so different right now if the men had said it was all ok.
We just don't know what's around the corner and that day certainly turned ours around into the beginning of the biggest nightmare you could possibly imagine. Thinking back to those times is hard and I try very hard not too. Today however reminded me of that dreadful day and how I wish the result had been so different.
Of course I am relieved I'm fine but reminded how the result of a test can change a life so drastically.
Jayden is still sick with a cold and we have been giving him Panadol to ease a symptom we are not completely sure of. Last night he was extremely restless in bed and very grizzly, I took a stab in the dark that it may be a headache, gave him some Panadol and once it kicked in he slept fine for the rest of the night.
This morning was similar in that he was fine for a couple of hours then became grizzly, very unhappy, lots of tears, dose of Panadol and shortly after, fine again.
He also has diarrhoea.
The poor little might came running (walking quickly as he can't yet run properly) into the kitchen to let us know he needed to go to the toilet. But we got there too late and he messed all over the floor, slipped in it and it was all over his legs and body. Understandably he was so upset and i felt terrible that i hadn't got there in time. We quickly cleaned him up and put him in a nice warm bath and he was soon feeling much better.
I'm adding this story about today because later when we visited our old Italian neighbours (jenny and Mick) they made us smile with their response to what happened. After telling Jenny about Jayden's mishap, with Luke standing next to me adding "yes, poor Jayden", Jenny looked at luke and me and said "don't worry, when you slip in shit it means lucky!", she added "you should by a lotto ticket". my son luke was quietly giggling his head off because Jenny said "shit" and i just thought it was hilarious that she had such a positive spin on it.
but i wont be buying a lotto ticket. i will be hoping with all my might that if it does mean "lucky" then the luck we receive will be in the form of a clear scan on Tuesday and clear scans forever! No amount of money is worth more than that.