Saturday, 20 April 2013

It's been two days since I last wrote and two days which I was able to get off the emotional roller coaster for a while. Doesn't take long to get back on it again but for two days I felt I could breathe, feel the breeze and enjoy my little boy. But a quick skim of Facebook, a text from a friend to tell me another boy has relapsed and I'm back on that coaster.

It never ends. There's no finish line to this journey and by no means is it a race but boy would I like to be able to breAk through a ribbon with my arms up high saying " yah we have finished". Instead a slow wait till the next scan and a constant battle to live the moment, remain positive and keep on smiling. So often easier said than done.

I visited a beautiful cancer mum the other day another friend who's child had cancer and is currently in remission. We are all travelling this journey but everyone at different stages and different emotional rides. Some seem to travel it smoothly like this wonderfully strong woman and others like myself not so.

Without people like this wonderful woman in my life it can sometimes be incredibly isolating. Some conversations I just can't have with people who aren't living this and it truly helps to know people who are. I'm lucky I have supportive friends but in normal settings like school pick up or grocery shopping for example, I feel incredibly alone and a sense of being "outcasted". Of course I'm not really but I know people often avoid me so as to avoid any conversation they may be uncomfortable with as they simply just don't know what to say. I'm no longer angry with them and now at a place of understanding but also incredibly envious of those people. What i wouldn't give to be someone who hasn't a clue about this world.

I am however often surprised by complete strangers and their enormous capacity to put themselves out there, write to me, message me or speak to me. The other day I had a lovely lady introduce herself at school to me and ask me how Jayden's MRI had gone. When I told her it was good she burst into tears. I was so taken back by her sincere concern for my son, it was truly beautiful. We have been truly fortunate to be touched by such lovely people that we can now call friends. special people that have opened their hearts that were strangers before this journey began.

I'm now laying in bed next to my little man and he's sound asleep. I just love watching him sleep. He's had a beautiful day. We all have. Didn't do anything special, but the kids have finished school for two weeks and it just always feels so good when we are all together.

This morning in his pjs

With his crazy hair and runny nose still :(

Jayden wanted to have his bath in the kitchen sink tonight!

Last night. Love my little man :)

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