Friday, 24 May 2013


It's Friday afternoon and I'm sitting out the front watching my little man play with his truck in the sand. It's his favourite place, outside and in the sand. Fortunately the weather has made it possible for him to enjoy both.

We were up early this morning having our cup of tea together then Danny had to work and the kids off to school. Always feel lost when they are not around.

We have been to Gymbaroo this morning and as always he loved it. I still struggle being amongst other mums with kids the same age as Jayden but I know that's my stuff and somehow I need to manage it. On the outside I do, I smile at everyone as they walk past and say hello to those that say hi and keep it up beat for Jayden. I do tend to avoid any conversation with other mums however as it often feels odd to just chat about stuff and things when my life is so much more complicated than that. I just rather not. It requires more pretending and that's just emotionally exhausting.

I've had a few rough days of late and by yesterday morning I was feeling a bit of a mess. I suggested to danny that we take the kids out of school and we spend the day together, I didn't care what we did I just desperately needed to be with them all and I didn't want to wait until the weekend. Of course as always he was ok with that.

So to the delight of Luke and Layla we stayed home from school and instead all went to the zoo. I haven't been to the zoo in ages and I'm certain Jayden doesn't remember the last time he had been either.

It was most certainly just what I needed. All of us needed. A reminder of what's important and the making of beautiful memories together. A truly lovely day.

Everyone was exhausted by the time we left in the afternoon and Jayden fell asleep in the car on the way home. When we got home we transferred him into our bed and Danny was so tired he laid down with him. Luke and I then popped out to do a bit of grocery shopping. Always nice to spend a bit of one on one time with him and Layla as it doesn't happen as often as I'd like.

As we walked into the shops I heard a voice call my name and when I looked back it was an old friend from school. Lovely lady. She came over and gave me a big hug, told me she had been following Jayden's face book page and was just truly lovely and supportive. I try very hard not to discuss too much in front of my kids in fear that I will start crying and I know they have seen plenty of that so she gave me another hug and we said our goodbyes. As I walked away from her I felt a tear escaping but in an effort to keep the mood from the day to continue I held the rest in. Luke took my hand in his and said to me "I love you mum". And I said " I love you too", he knew. They know. Children really are far more clever than we believe them to be sometimes and he knows its hard. Beautiful little man, love him so much.

Our day at the zoo in pictures:

Watching the meerkats.

Jayden and Luke eating some lunch at the Zoo Cafe.

On the ferris wheel.

Playing on the slide and with the water fountain.

On the rainforest walk.

The end of a beautiful day.

Love my kids.

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