Monday, 3 June 2013

Luke's birthday

It was Luke's birthday yesterday. My eldest boy turned 7. So proud of him. We woke in the morning and all sat on our bed to watch him open his presents. Jayden was so good at allowing him to do that without opening them for him as much as I'm sure he wanted to. Luke made me so proud when he opened his card from us and read it out allowed. He was so chuffed as Layla had written in it and she wrote a beautiful message. love my kids.

We had a party for Luke in the morning with his special mates and then another party with family afterwards. Danny's mum wasn't here for Jayden's birthday so the afternoon was also another party for Jayden.

I had spent the previous few days running around for stuff for the party and gifts for Luke which was really therapeutic. I really enjoyed planning and making and it gave me moments of thinking just about Luke and his needs and wants. Which made a change from constantly thinking about Jayden, although he was never far from my thoughts.
The night and day before the party the kids and i made and designed cupcakes together. luke had a huge say in what he wanted to serve to eat and it was a much needed lovely family time spent all together. I think thats what i missed the most about Jayden's party and although it was truly beautiful people did all that for me, it was equally beautiful to have my kids do it with me for Luke's party.

I did end up caving to Luke's wishes to have a cake bought that would be like Jayden's . I didn't feel like I could not as I'm really aware of Luke feeling like he's not treated the same as Jayden. In a way I believe he is right. I try not to but I know at times, I favour Jayden. I know that I'm far more protective of him, defensive of him and give him a lot more attention than the other two. Part of that is because he's so young but a huge part of that is also this whole difficult situation and life we live now.
So I really didn't want Luke to feel that way on his special day.

We bought a cake, something I have never done before to this scale but the smile on his face when we picked it up To bring it home, made it worth every cent.
He held it on his lap in the car all the way home and never took his eyes of it. Priceless. Sadly we weren't able to get the beautiful lady at Queen of Cakes to make it but we did get a cake made and that was the main thing.

I still got a chance to make a cake though for the afternoon party which we so didn't need as we had so much food left over but it was fun making it.
Layla and I did it together and a lot of laughs and just good times putting it all together. We made an icecream cake and this is what it ended up looking like:

Can't imagine why Luke would rather a bought one???? Well, we liked it, and it tasted yummy!

We also had a go at using the ready rolled icing on our cupcakes and were very proud of our finished products and they tasted yummy. More importantly, Luke loved them and was really proud to hand them out to his friends.

He had a wonderful time but wished it was longer and I'm pretty sure he felt special on his special day. I hope he did.

I often worry that Luke misses out and That I'm missing so many special moments with him because I spend so much time trying to make the most of the time I have with Jayden. It's hard to put words to it accurately, but I feel sometimes while I'm worrying about Jayden my other son is growing up and that I'm missing it. That one day I will regret that. just as I worry I will regret moments with Jayden when I'm worrying about how long I will have with him I worry I'll miss the time with Luke. These same thoughts apply to Layla. Big mess, all in my head and I just don't have the answers. But I so wish that I did.

Everyone had a lovely time at his party including myself. Haven't been able to say that for a long time. The kids were happy, so I was able to relax and I even had a chance to have a glass of wine with my dear friend Milly whom I truly adore. Thanks Milly.

For the morning party Danny and I had the opportunity to meet some lovely parents that we had not met before as they dropped off their kids and picked them up which was really nice. Often feel like we have been in hiding for the last 18 months, which I guess essentially a big part of that we were. It was nice not to be today. Truly lovely people.

Jayden had a blast also and that always makes my day. And when his Nanna arrived in the afternoon, well, he was in his element. Loves his Nanna.
This also meant I could relax a bit and that's when I had a glass of wine or two. Really lovely day.

I hope my beautiful 7 year old son will look back on this day with fond memories, of us all being together and the knowledge that we love him very much. I know I will.

For us since we started this journey we no longer take life for granted, we know how precious it is. That every birthday whether its Jayden's, Luke's or Layla's it is a true gift, just as they are to us. It's a special day that celebrates another precious year that we have been together and a milestone we will be forever grateful for.

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