It's Wednesday lunchtime and in half an hour I'm in for my counselling session. I always turn up at these sessions thinking that I don't have anything to say but within five minutes of being there I find myself pouring out a bunch of thoughts and feelings that I didn't realise were in such an abundance inside of me. Of course I know I'm stressed and worried but you never really realise how much is kept inside until you have been given permission to let it all out.
Sometimes I get nervous before coming as I don't know what is going to come out until I get there. Especially if I've had a bad week. Letting it out is so overwhelming sometimes and scary but I know it is also healthy. Just there's so much in there sometimes that I'm almost frightened to let it out. Frightened of my own feelings. .
Jayden had a shocking night sleep last night and hence so did I. He was then Up super early, asking for a cup of tea. Always greets me with his infectious smile and I never mind getting up with him. I'm just happy that I am.
That he is with me, that we are home. Always so grateful for that.
I'm sitting in my car in the car park waiting for time to go by for my appointment it's cloudy and has been raining. Jayden and I went to Playgroup this morning and as always he had a blast. Lovely to see him amongst other kids and doing the things he should be doing at his age like playing.
We also have our appointment with Dr Nick this afternoon to go over the MRI results. A good friend suggested I get a copy which I hadn't thought of before and will do today. Have a few things I want to discuss with him about Jayden so it will be good to finally see him. Emailing just isn't the same.
Ten more minutes to go and I'm getting anxious. I think that emotion has become so normal to be now that not being anxious is starting to stand out for me rather than the feeling of being anxious. If that even makes sense. Rambling now. Off to appointment.
Out now. My session with the psychologist was good, sad, emotional but Worth it. She's a wonderfully honest and genuine person and makes me feel normal in this crazy non-normal world I now live.
The thing that stuck in my mind
Today was she said to me "the greatest gift you can give your son is allowing him to be normal. That he was different for so long and all he wants now is to be treated like everyone else". That makes a lot of sense to me.
What she said would also explain the way he carried on yesterday when we all went to get our flu shots and Jayden didn't need to as he already had his. He was most upset that he was going to miss out and kept saying "I want a needle too". It was amazing really considering what he's been through but he was hell bent on having a shot as well. Fortunately he needed his chicken pox one so he got that. Cried his eyes out but was satisfied he got one too. Hilarious really. We all had a chuckle.
We are now on our way to Jayden's appointment with whole family in tow. Took the kids out of school early as appointment is right on school pick up. We probably could have asked someone to pick them up from school and mind them till we got back but in all honesty I didn't want to. For so long they were passed from one person to the next while we were running back and forth from the hospital and I just don't want to do that anymore to them unless I absolutely have too.
So we are together which I always love and ready to hear what Nick has to say about MRI.
Kids were not happy about being at the hospital, none of us were and in our haste to get out I forgot to get the copy of the MRI.
Nick told us all was fine but would have liked to have that report to read myself so will chase it up tomorrow.
After we left the hospital we went to our favourite Italian restaurant in Fremantle. The kids love the spaghetti and we just love being there. I especially love not having to cook or get up every five minutes.
We are now all in bed. Early night tonight for me. My beautiful little man on my left and my equally beautiful little man to the right.
Hope sleep comes easily.
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