Sunday, 6 October 2013

I wrote an entry this morning but didn't get to finish it to post it. Now I've discovered the little girl I was writing about has since passed.

A little girl who has been fighting ATRT, Phoebe Fair. I have followed her families journey since Jayden's began and her father was one of the first people that made contact with me in the beginning of this journey.

A beautiful girl from a beautiful family.
I can't believe another baby is gone. And nothing seems to change.
I'm truly gutted.

I now want to post my unfinished post, simply because it doesn't feel right to delete it.

Phoebe Fair, a beautiful child also diagnosed with ATRT. So many out there. I have followed her journey since Jayden's began. A truly beautiful family and most precious little girl. Please pray for her and her family. Send her messages of hope and support. Her mother writes a blog, a beautiful blog, a very gifted and lovely lady.
And they also have a Facebook page Praying for Phoebe Fair.

I can't tell you how gut wrenching it is to know another child is slipping away . When I saw her post this morning my heart sank. If ever there were a picture that told a thousand words it would be this one. Only no words would truly be accurate or enough, to describe this heart wrenching scene.

It is her daughter there in the photo and inside I hurt so bad that one day it could be my son. But this isn't about me or my pain. It fuels my fear, there's no doubt about that. It scares me beyond belief. But that is nothing in comparison to her mothers pain and her family.

My hurt I feel is also knowing the reality of this excruciatingly hard journey. The reality of childhood cancer. The reality of the possibility of losing my son.
I watched parents today in the shops with their children and I envied them. They don't know that reality, they don't live it, breathe it. And I was once one of them. We don't realise how lucky we have it until it's taken away, there's no doubt about that.

I so wish I could change things for this family, a magic wand, a miracle cure. Phoebe is a beautiful little girl with so much spirit and courage. I so wish this wasn't happening to her and her family.

I don't know how a family survives this shit. Truly I don't , and every time I see or hear it happening again, inside I break into tiny little pieces. Spending the rest of my days putting them back together until the next break. But when a family does lose their child how do they ever put those pieces back?

It's not enough anymore to just say childhood cancer sucks. It never was. It's insane. It shouldn't happen. It's all so very wrong.


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