Friday, 27 December 2013

It's early in the morning. Two days after Christmas.
I was unable to write in here on Christmas Day, firstly Because I was so tired from waking at 4:15am and secondly because I wanted to use every last drop of energy on my kids and family.

Luke was the first to wake as always but I had to tell him to try go back to sleep before he woke anyone else. Of course he found that almost impossible and I laid awake with him. Layla was next to rise at 5:30 and Jayden was the last one, still snoozing.

I couldn't make them wait any longer and so we whispered in to Jayden's ear "santa has been, do you want to come open your presents". In a second, his eyes were open, he sat up and groggily climbing out of bed. So funny. How are kids so in tune, in their sleep??

They all ran into the lounge room to see all the presents under the tree. All of them, so excited.

It was so lovely to see them so happy but inside I was struggling to really enjoy the moment like I would have liked to. I know I have to accept that this is as good as it gets (in my head) and I will always worry about the future. But I also sat there watching my kids and thinking about the parents I know that no longer have their child with them. I know so many now and my heart aches for each and every one of them.

I sat on the carpet with my kids, watching them open each present and worried how many more Christmases will, I get with Jayden. I hope with all my might that we get to spend so many more Christmases together and I try not to think about it ever being any different But it's so hard not to let it cross my mind.

I hoped that Jayden's Christmas was perfect in his eyes as I tried so hard to make it so, for all of them.

I know he would have been happy with anything but I just wanted it to be perfect. He's such an easy going little man and smiled at everything he opened. Grateful for it all and not complaining once.

We later joined my sister and her family and my dad and his partner for lunch at a restaurant nearby. There we enjoyed a yummy meal and Santa came to visit the kids. Santa gave all the children there a gift. Luke received a car and Jayden a plastic donkey. Jayden looked at Luke's car and back at his donkey and grabbed that donkey and galloped it along the wall back to our table where we were all sitting. He played with it until we left and never once mentioned Luke's car or that he would have preferred that. He is like that with all his presents. Even the tractor trailer I bought which so sadly he can't reach the peddles to ride on and it can't be adjusted but he was happy with it all the same. He didn't care, and Luke rode it for him with him in the trailer and he was so happy with that.

Love my little man.

After lunch everyone came back to our house to give each other their gifts. Beautiful day.

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It's much later now , the boys are asleep. Busy day and I'm so tired. Seems to be the norm at the moment. We have spent the last couple of days down at the river which has been lovely and by the evening we are all exhausted. The boys had No problem falling asleep and so did I but Layla came in to get me back up.

Ive got so many things I want to put down about the last few days but I need to sleep.

Instead here's some pics from the last couple of days.,....


Jayden and Luke, the day before Christmas


Jayden, Christmas Eve.


Mum and Jayden at Christmas lunch


Jayden with his big glass of water!



Us with Santa at Christmas lunch


Boxing Day with the kids


Out on Boxing Day


Boxing Day at the river and park



Jayden learning to ride his boogie board.


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