Monday, 30 December 2013

Last few days


Danny's mum and dad visited today which was lovely and the kids were over the moon. Always love to see them. While they were here I was able to duck out and visit a wonderful lady I have met through this journey. We had been in contact via email for some time but today was the first time I had met her in person as she had traveled from overseas to visit family in Perth.
Really lovely person. She was everything I expected her to be and more. It was so very nice to finally put a face to her name.

I arrived back home not long after and my kids were not the slightest concerned that I had gone. When Nanna is around they are always happy.
After they left we decided to go to the river and have a BBQ for dinner.
It was a beautiful evening and we all had a really lovely time.
 Above: Luke and Jayden playing.
Above: all three looking so happy. love my kids.


I woke this morning to the sound of my boys giggling. Love that sound. Jayden had jumped into Luke's bed with him and they were laughing about whatever they were whispering about to each other. I laid there listening to them and feeling so grateful to have them in my life. And so happy that they have each other. But with those feelings came the sadness that the bond they have that's so strong could one day be broken. It's so hard to fully enjoy those moments with the fear of the future constantly lurking in my mind.

They are so happy together and they got out of bed together laughing and giggling...not a care in the world...just each other.
Below: pictures of my boys from the last few weeks...

It's so much later now. In fact in the middle of the night. I have woken from a dreadful nightmare and am now sitting in the kitchen. So relieved to have woken. It was one of those nightmares that leave you so shaken that it takes some time to fully feel normal again. Even now after being awake for sometime I'm a little nervous about going back to sleep.

But at least I got to wake up from it.
If only I could wake from the one I now live......

Sunday cont..,.

After the boys woke up, I got up. Later Luke and Danny spent the morning bike riding and Jayden Layla and I hung out and then went and visited my sister. Jayden loves her.

Jayden and I went riding on our easy rollers in the evening as Layla went for a play at her friends house and Danny and Luke road their bikes again.
It was so lovely to get out of the house and just have fun outdoors with my little man. I enjoyed racing after him and pretending to crash and rolling on the grass, which I was left so itchy afterwards from. As I had those moments with him every few minutes I would find myself just gazing at him. Soaking him up. Moments where I felt like bursting into tears because the love I have for him is so strong and the very thought of losing him hurts so bad. So bad.


Monday morning and I woke to Jayden snuggling up to me and kissing my face "love you mum" he says, then "can we get up now?". How do children wake so quickly? How do they go from a deep sleep to instant alertness? I certainly cannot do that. However I am happy to always give it my best shot for my little man. Luke was already up and playing so we all sat around the table and had breaky. Later we went out to the shops, just Luke, Jayden and I to spend some of the Christmas money they received from relatives. A scooter for Luke that we found on special made him very happy and a Digger for Jayden. Back home and both were happy to play with their purchases.

Layla arrived not long after from her friends house and we all had lunch.
Took Layla out on her own after lunch and we spent her Christmas money on clothes.

Back home and dinner, bath and play and now bed. I'm laying between both my boys whom are snoring peacefully.

Had a lovely time with my kids today. It was so nice to just hang out with them. Love to do that.

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