Jayden has his first day of Kindy today. An event I once thought we would never see. I'm so grateful that we are.
I never slept last night worrying about how he would be and how it would make him feel me leaving him somewhere. We got him ready this morning and before we even left he was asking not to go. When we pulled up in the carpark he was nearly in tears and it took all my might not to ball my eyes out as well.
We took him in and he was holding on to my legs, not wanting to let go. Managed to coax him into playing playdoh and slowly all the parents began to leave. I was the last one there with him and I didn't want to go. He knew what was going to happen and I could see his little face so worried. I asked the teacher for some advice. But basically there is no easy way to leave.
A big cuddle, a promise I will be back soon and the teacher gently took him from me. Tears poured from my eyes as soon as I turned to leave and I could hear him screaming for me to come back. Bloody gut wrenching. Memories of a time where things were truly shit flashes before my eyes and every part of me wants to run back and grab him. Reluctantly I don't and instead drive away desperate to get home and by my phone.
Home and sitting by the phone waiting for them to call me to come get him. Desperately wanting to go get him anyway and bring him home. Torn between the knowledge that he will eventually be ok and the feelings that I don't want him to ever be upset, no matter what the reason.
Leaving it for half and hour then I'm calling......
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone