Friday, 14 February 2014

Really worried about my little man. I know I'm always in a state of worry but lately I feel like it's peaked, the anxiety kicking in and the inability to concentrate on anything else, but worry for Jayden.

He has really bad diarrhoea today. Really bad and the pain of the stomach cramps have been making him turn pale in the face. I know it hurts, it's obvious but he manages to get through each one without too much upset. He's such a Strong little fella, he amazes me.

He hasn't been sleeping very well lately either and that's been really worrying me too. Often he has nightmares that are difficult to wind him down from. Always after midnight, always very upset. Hate seeing him like that and constantly worry that it's memories of his treatment.

So I'm worried. Really feel anxious today and can't seem to shake it. Then I worry that my feelings might be a sign? A mothers intuition and I get myself all worried and worked up even more. Honestly, my mind I know, is definitely my worst enemy sometimes. Or is it?

It's Friday night and I've just put my little man to bed. He's happily sleeping and I'm about to join my older two to watch a movie before bed. Having a much better time parenting my son Luke at the moment after a long chat with the wonderful lady Nick put me onto from the hospital. She really knows her stuff and put it out there so simply that the small changes I had to make weren't difficult and made all the difference. So happy about that and feel so much more connected to him again it's really wonderful.

I'm going to go join them now and will finish this entry off with some photos a beautiful person we know sent me today that were taken in Chicago in the middle of Jayden's treatment. It so hard to look at these. I can't believe how little he was. Just a baby.
Love my baby so very much .

My son Luke just looked over my shoulder and looked at these photos. "mum, those pictures make me really sad". he said.
I couldn't agree more.

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