Tuesday, 18 February 2014

Tummy pains

My little man still has tummy problems going on and his appetite hasn't been the best. Am trying not to be overly concerned and I know there's not much a doctor will do or can do at this point but it's awful to see him in pain.
He came with me to drop Layla off at school yesterday morning and on the way he would curl over in his seat quietly and when I asked him if he's ok. He tells me his tummy hurts. He must have seen the look on my face of sheer concern and he says "don't worry mum, it's just a small one". God I love him. Just wanted to stop the car and grab him in a big embrace. He's just such a little soldier. Carries on no matter what.

After we dropped Layla off we went to the zoo. His tummy pains were happening there as well but he would just stop, curl up, and ride it through, then get back up and keep going. They must have hurt pretty bad for him to just stop but he just moves through them and forgets about them as quickly as they came. He was the same at adventure world and today. I wish I could just make them stop. Just make all pain whatsoever never touch him ever again.

I've just finished reading him books and he's now sound asleep next to me. He's in bed really early tonight as he was so very tired. I'm hoping it's just because he was up early this morning but of course I can't help but worry myself senseless. Feeling very emotional today.

When I was reading to him tonight he stopped me to chat to me about the day and I found myself watching him as I often do, thinking so deeply about him as he chatted to me. How much I love him and how scared I am of ever losing him. As the thought hits my mind my eyes well up with tears. I shut them down as quick as they come as the last thing I want is Jayden worrying about me crying. The tears wake me from my thoughts and snap me back into focus on Jayden. I just love him so much. He's little face, dimples, big brown eyes, his beautiful hair, his magic smile. When I look at him everything else is a blur. All I see is him and nothing else. I don't ever want to live in a time where he is not there. Where I can't see his smile or feel his touch.
Really feeling emotional now. Lack of a good night sleep is not helping and the past few weeks have been tough. I know how I'm feeling is nothing in comparison to families I know who have lost loved ones.

Life just seems so bloody unfair.

I should sleep. Feeling like I need to cry. A big cry. One that's been sitting down low for sometime and just needs to come out..

Both my boys are asleep now. Love them so very much. I read Luke a book on his own tonight as Jayden went to sleep early. It was nice to have that one on one time. He seems so big now. They grow so fast. I just hope with all my might all three of my kids get to grow up, be teenagers, adults, parents and grandparents. I so hope for that. Life is so precious and I hope with all my might that they all get long, happy ones.

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