I've been up since 5:00am as Jayden woke early from a nightmare. He went back to sleep but I didn't. I just lay awake watching him. Hoping and praying that I get to watch him grow to be an old man. Worrying that his nightmare was of things of the past. Hating the thought of it all.
Friday the 7th marked two years to the day that Jayden was admitted to PMH. Two years to the day that we found out he had a tumour in his heAd. What I wouldn't give to have had the doctors tell us they found nothing and we could go home. But that wasn't the case. I will always remember meeting a family whom had a little girl and she too had a Ct scan that day, because the doctors were fearful of a tumour. But her scan was clear and she was sent home. I remember that day. Wishing we were them and that we could go home. So envious that we weren't. So sad we weren't.
I know I have to be grateful that we are all here today. And I am. So grateful. Grateful that Jayden is still with us, two years on, and hoping with all my might he will be with us for a very, very long time to come.
His next scan is the 10th of April and I'm already getting very nervous. Stressing about any little signs and even without any signs, I'm stressing.
We've had a good weekend. Always nice to be with the kids together.
On Saturday morning we had two ladies come around to interview Layla and Luke. They are conducting research on the effects on siblings of a child who's had cancer. The kids were both happy to do it and I think they were glad to finally say how they felt to someone other than me. And that someone other than me, wanted to know.
It took about an hour and I wasn't allowed to sit in but was still in the house doing chores. Both had a lot to say and hopefully helped these women with their research. Really important that families get to understand the effect something like this has on the other children. I know I don't know the half of it and wish I had of had some insight when this mess began.
After the ladies left the kids had swimming lessons (except Jayden) and then Nanna and grandad came over. Jayden loves those visits. All the kids do and we had a really lovely time. We all went out for a bite to eat at one of our favourite Italian family restaurants ( Luke and Layla are BIG fans of spaghetti bolognaise). We laughed we chatted and just enjoyed being together. The kids had us all in fits with silly faces and it was just a really beautiful evening.
Jayden especially knows how to make us laugh and he's at that beautiful age. He has these hilarious faces he pulls at the moment that makes us all crack up and he comes out with the funniest things.
It's much later now and I'm sitting in the bathroom as Jayden happily chatters away to himself and his toys as he baths. Such a happy little man .
We've had a really nice weekend and I just hope we get So many more. More than anything I want that. A lifetime with all my kids.