Jayden and I went to his new Kindy today.
And I didn't take one photo today. I hate it when I realise in the evening that I haven't taken a photo all day. It rarely happens and when it does I find myself worrying that I should have.
He had a great day at Kindy. I stayed there the whole time with him. Which I loved. I would go off into the kitchen and make a cup of tea every now and then and watch him from the window. He would be able to see me and it was so nice to see him playing with other kids. He's still nervous about me leaving and if I'm gone too long he stresses. It was just so nice to be there to reassure him and be welcome to do that.
The ladies there are lovely and were so kind to chat to me and make me so welcome. I found myself crying at one stage in the kitchen with them after speaking about Jayden. Every now and then I get a flicker of normality and when I'm swung back into reality it hits hard. It's then that I realise how much I keep inside, buried within me, just to get on with life.
Inside I'm so very scared and worried no matter how hard I try to portray that I'm normal. I'm not. I never will be. Not the normal I once knew.
We left Kindy at lunchtime and arrived home not long after. Had some lunch and watched a bit of tv and I tried to catch up on housework. Jayden is so beautiful. He follows me around offering his help and I give him an easy job and the two of us cleanup together. So cute. Love my little man.
I'm tired and need to sleep. Everyone's asleep but me and I need to join them.
Jayden really worried me this evening as he told me his head hurts and he feels sick. I gave him some Panadol and cuddled up to him tight. Praying. Hoping. Praying and hoping with all my might that everything is ok. That he is ok.
I love him so much and it's so hard not to be so frightened. I battle with these feelings everyday. Trying to remain positive, but so deeply scared. I love my kids so much. I just want them all to have long, happy lives. I so wish for that.
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