Thursday, 27 March 2014

Looming MRI

I visited a beautiful friend of mine today whom is also travelling a difficult journey with her child.

When I'm with people who get it it's nice to be understood. We are able to go to places in our conversation that I can't go with others who don't understand. Tears were shed by both of us with no feelings of uncomfortableness. Just the knowledge that we were being understood and we knew each other's pain all too well.

I often don't realise how much I hold in until I'm in a situation where I feel I'm "allowed" to talk about everything. Then it comes out, flowing. even then, I fight it to hold it back and only allow myself to let a little bit out. For no other reason than I'm scared. Scared to let it all out because I know how painful that is and I don't want to feel that hurt. So I allow a bit out, release a small portion of the emotions I work so hard at everyday to keep within me. And no more. The rest is kept Deep within me. I know with each passing day I get better at holding those emotions in but I also know a day always comes, that I can't. The emotional wave that crashes through, with no notice. No warning. And knocks me for six leaving me raw and vulnerable all over again.

Jayden's next MRI is on the 10th of April and I know I'm feeling it. The anxiety, stress, and riding the emotional roller coaster. I feel like I'm hanging in by a thread. And the slightest thing could break it, leaving me in bits.

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I was out all morning running errands and when I got back home I was so happy to see my little man. When he heard me coming through the door I could hear him shout my name and then here him running, he appeared from the lounge room, arms outstretched and jumped into my arms. I love my little boy so much. So, so very much.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

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