Monday, 3 March 2014

Tuesday back to school :(

I was woken this morning to kisses all over my face from my cheeky little man. A big grin from ear to ear on his face and a "mummy can we get up?" From his voice. Couldn't have asked for a better way to be woken. Love that little smile, voice and kisses. Just precious.

His older brother heard him too as he always does and we all got up together and went into the kitchen. It's a back to school day after a wonderful long weekend so rush, rush to get organised.

I did manage to however have time to sit and play Lego with Jayden before I took Layla then Luke to school.

After the drop offs Jayden and I hung out playing kitchens, Lego and watching some tv. I asked him if he wanted to go out somewhere or go to a park and he said "no mum, I just want to stay home and play with you". Bless. Love him to bits.

We did have to pop over to the school to pick up some books and while we were there we saw Luke in the playground. From a distance I hardly recognised him because he looked so small and so young. Then when I realised it was him it dawned on me that he is so little and so young. I think because they talk and walk like an older child we tend to expect more of them and at the end of the day he's still such a little boy. I love him so much and I hope he forgives me for continually struggling to parent him. I so often feel like I get it wrong with him and I want to get it right so bad. Hopefully it will all fall into place one day,soon.

We said hello to him and I gave him a big cuddle and kids then we left for home. Hated leaving him and felt like scooping him up and taking him home with us. Damn school.
I am feeling lately like we desperately need a family day together. Must arrange that soon.

It's the afternoon now and I'm sitting in the carpark of Layla's school waiting to pick her up. Jayden is so good about me leaving now that it's wonderful but also a weeeny bit sad. I think whenever my kids grow and start to need me less I feel a little sad. Really happy to see them grow up and very proud but as my dad always says " it's always nice to feel needed". Of course I know I still am, but still. And it's really comforting to know he's not upset while I'm out. Really proud of him for getting to that point.

So I'm now sitting in the carpark writing in this blog.
Layla had a lot of assessments on today and looking forward to hearing how she went. Just to know she wouldn't be as stressed as she was this morning will make me happy. So much is expected of kids at such a young age and when I think about all the dramas you can run into as an adult, wouldn't it be nice just to have everything simplified even more as a child.

We have had a good day thus far and besides this damn tummy bug still lingering around and Luke's vomiting episode the other night everything is ok. I worried last night that he would vomit again, but, thankfully nothing.
Will always worry myself crazy over everything Jayden and my other two. I know that. Today for instance I thought Jayden's eye looked different and I panicked, finding myself eyeballing him so much and so closely that Jayden ended up asking me what I was doing . That snapped me out of it and I didn't see what I thought I saw again. Honestly, it's enough to send me crazy .

Bell just gone , she will be out soon.
Will finish now.

hoping and praying always, with all my might that all three of my kids have long , healthy and happy lives. Will alwAys wish for that.

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