I can't sleep. My mind is racing. The anxiety is driving me crazy.
Jayden's MRI is on Thursday and as always I'm so worried, scared and overwhelmingly anxious.
The past plays over and over in my mind. Procedures. Treatments. The Cries. The Fears. The end of friendships. The feelings of loneliness within a world that no longer is the world I once knew.
Everything that's happened since this nightmare began. In no order. I just lay awake as it all rushes through my mind. The huge sense of loss of the life I once knew and the massive feeling of fear that I may lose my son. There's no way of explaining that feeling.
I just want to sleep. Shut my mind down and sleep.
This never ever gets easy. None of it. Ever.
I Love my little man so much. Words just aren't enough for that.
I need a big cry. Not just any old cry but a howl. I want To release this built up emotion inside me that feels like a heavy weight in my heart. But there's no tears. Because the weight just sits. Exhausted.
I really need to sleep.
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