Tuesday, 13 May 2014

Milestone

Jayden achieved a very significant milestone today, however the more I think about it the more I think it was mine also.

Last time I went and saw my psychologist he asked me if I had left Jayden on his own for any length of time at Kindy yet? Of course I had to say no except for the time I left him when Layla was there so that doesn't really count.
I know I have to leave at some point but I had gotten so comfortable staying all the time that I conveniently forgot. He reminded me that it wAs important for Jayden to learn that if mum leaves, it's ok, and I come back.

So today when we went to Kindy I knew I had to give it a try. I didn't want too. Not one bit. I spoke to the wonderful woman that runs it and told her what I needed to do and she immediately set up the scenario, she said to Jayden "Jayden, mums got to go out and get some morning tea, is that ok?" He looked at her from where he was sitting amongst the blocks he was playing with and said "ok", more conversation was exchanged but the general consensus was it was, "ok" by him. I must admit my heart sank a little and my anxiety ramped up. I walked out, my heart racing and tears welling in my eyes. I was so nervous about leaving him.

I got in my car and drive to the local shops and bought some morning tea then walked around for a little while. Felt completely lost. Wished the time would speed up. And tried to pretend everything was ok. Which it was but that's not what I was feeling, at all. I'm not sure how long I was gone but it was long enough for me to feel I needed to get back.

When I came back and walked in the door he was sitting on his mat designated for him, happily eating his morning tea. Not stressed. Not upset. Happy. I was so relieved. He was excited to see me so he could tell me all about his painting he had done while I was gone. I felt so emotional.

For the rest of the day I found it hard not to cry just at the sheer mention of him. Big bag of emotions constantly spilling.

I'm so proud of him though. My little man is getting older, having some freedom and he's ok when he does.

Love my little man.


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