Monday, 17 November 2014

Road rage

It only takes an incident. Can be so small or it can be big and I find myself full of emotions.
On my way in to see my cousin who is in palliative care with a brain tumour I was harassed by a stranger with road rage. I had accidentally pulled in front of his car as I wasn't aware his lane could turn as well and he went mad beeping his horn at me. He continued to pursue me and when I had to stop behind a bus he got out of his car and banged on my window with his fist screaming obscenities at me. He was a huge man and he scared the living day lights out of me. I drove ofF the highway to get away from him and when I finally arrived to visit my cousin I was an emotional wreck. Keeping it together as much as possible I bought a coffee at the cafe at the hospital and took it to him.

He is such a Beautiful man my cousin. Truly he is and to see him deteriorating from this hideous disease is truly gut wrenching. He finds it difficult to speak which is incredibly frustrating for him but with time and patience we get a conversation happening.
I told him about the incident, he shook his head with disgust.

We talked about other stuff and I told him about the weekend we had away just gone, with camp quality in Dongara. I told him how much fun Jayden had and he said" it must have bought a tear to your eye ". That was all he had to say and that was it, I was balling. All the emotions came spilling out and I found myself sobbing like a child. The cry you have when you find it hard to breathe between sobs. I felt so bad for doing that in front of him when he has his own shit to deal with and he squeezed my hand with his and said "I need to hear you and be here for you too". That is the kind of man he is. Always thinking of others and he gets me. I'm so pissed that he is where he is at. He's one of the few people I know in my family who really gets this and I'm going to lose him. I know I'm being selfish but it's just not bloody fair. None of this is.
And when I see him I'm so happy to be in his presence but so bloody sad too.

He gets where I'm at. He gets all of it.

I've left now and sitting in a carpark writing in this blog. I'm so full of emotions today and the fear and anxiety are having a field day in my head.
So hard.

I took the kids away to Dongara on a camp quality holiday and it was truly the best weekend I have ever been on but would have been better if danny was there but he had to work. What made it great were the kids were so happy. Truly makes my day so special to see them smile.

I came back so rested and to have this eruption of emotions today has really thrown me.
There truly is no easy way to travel this journey.

I'm going to finish this entry and go do some Christmas shopping for my kids. Here's some photos of the weekend.
















Love my kids.


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