It's been a while since I've written in here and a lot has been happening. The best news is that we saw Dr Nick about Jaydens recent MRI and all was good.
Recently we had to take Jayden for a bone density scan. The idea is to get a base line for his development in order to keep an eye on any damage his treatment may have done to his bones. It's difficult to understand the importance of it when Jayden seems to be growing and his happy and content. But apparently it's necessary. A part of me though can't help but think that's it's just their way of making sure all their boxes are checked and I just don't feel entirely ok with that.
Slipping back a minute.... Jaydens extremely happy at school and has a very special friend whom he has connected with beautifully. In fact this beautiful little friend of his named Titan is what has helped me to leave Jayden at school as I know he is happy and that just means so much. Little titans face lights up when he sees Jayden and when Jayden had to leave early for appointments or is away from
School Titan gets very upset. He's such a beautiful little boy and it feels so good to see jayden has bonded with him and that they have such a special friendship.
Back to bone density scan....
So we had this appointment for the scan last week and Jayden was so upset about the prospect of it that we rescheduled for the following week, which is this week. All week I was stressing about it and unbeknown to me at the time, so was Danny.
I don't know exactly how to explain it . So I'm just going to say this.... Any procedure or time we have to go to PMH brings up emotions in both danny and I that we work so hard everyday to suppress. So if we can avoid any of the procedures and going to Pmh then we obviously will. We know Jayden feels the same and just wants to get on with his life like his siblings. We all do. And if we have to take him to a procedure or examination that doesn't feel completely necessary then honestly, there are no emotional reserves to do that. We just can't.
I pushed myself to go to the hospital with Jayden and All the way there I just wanted to turn the car around. My heart was racing and my stomach churned, anxiety was kicking in at an awful rate. We arrived on time and let the receptionist know we were there. The waiting made it worse and every inch of me wanted to walk out. I know this is not huge. Jaydens been through so much worse and we as his parents have had to watch and let it happen. But that's the whole point. We don't have anything left to do anything. Unless it's absolutely necessary for his survival there is nothing left in us.
The feelings I had sitting in that waiting room were the same feelings I had when Jayden was in the thick of treatment....anxiety, fear, sadness....all of them circling within me as if I was right back there. It's very real. I didn't want to be there, I know Jayden didn't and I just wanted to pick him up and run.
The nurse came out and spoke to us. She was truly wonderful. She understood how I was feeling and we had a talk about it and her words were "you are Within your rights as his parent not to do this. ". She suggested we get more information in the hope it would make me feel more comfortable. She gave me the paperwork and left and i turned to Jayden and told him he doesn't have to do it and we are going home. He fist pumped the air and excitedly said "yes!"
My sentiments exactly.
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